Stolen Skin

Poem about a clone.

Protected by it's icy grasp,

I lay still, never moving.

How long will it last?

Until they make my choosing?

I stand here, in my little hole,

swimming in the tranquility fluid.

Wearing the skin of another soul,

breaking the ways of the druid.

Am I asleep? Is this a dream?

My eye are shut and motionless,

But I can hear and smell, so it seems,

Sensing their restlessness.

They are my mothers,my fathers.

Taking care of me, so I don't trim.

I wonder, do I have any brothers?

Do we share the same stolen skin? 

I heard a wooden tap on my glass,
and a flicker of some switch,
The sea quickly turns into gas,
and I walk away from my ditch.

My seconds of motion were destroyed

As a thin snake slowly broke into my skin,

 pain exploded where the snake had deployed

Turning my longed freedom into pure grim.

Author's Note

I have some doubts about my last stanza, it didn't come out as I liked, would like some criticism on it. A few tweaks here or there, re-written the 3rd stanza completely

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is very good. I had to read it a few times. The description and detail was very good. I read the Author note to grasp the meaning and purpose of the poem. You create a interesting tale. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Lighthouse Call]

Very Good! I was surprised by the title.. Stolen Skin.. I couldn't figure out what it was about until I read it.
I see you improved on your rhyming!
I like the background story and its complexity.
Also I was hoping you'd mention the snake while I was reading. It fits in quite well.
Excellent!

[Jessica Mai]

When I first read it i didn't read the "Poem about a clone bit", I thought this was about a young boy who is forced to be a polite, trimmed boy which isn't who he really is, and then someone taps on his "glass" which is the mirror and he steps forward, only to have his true inner self revealed as a dark messed up kid. I know it doesn't really fit. :P
Well anyway...both interpretations work well for me. I personally think this is a great write

[Devons]

I think the first 4 stanzas are fine, and begin to build a strong image and solemn aura. But the last two feel awkward. The first because of its slightly forced rhyme in the last line, and the general flow (compared to its predecessors) and the second doesn't work for similar reasons, and the meaning of what is happening is obscured or unclear. If you could revise these last 2 stanzas, I think you have the making of a quality poem.

[sayandeep kundu]

Honestly speaking, i found it good at parts..
"swimming in my tranquility fluid" was, I found, okay.. But it could have been portrayed better, probably..
Words have important role to play in weaving your thoughts..they have the piercing effect when it's needed the most..Probably a better choice of words could have made this a marvelous piece altogether..Nonetheless, it was good although could be far better considering the topic you chose...