Let go

A quick poem I wrote.

All lights turned black

Cannot turn back

You've made a mistake

and now it's too late.

Get rid of the anger

and destroy the fear

As we become tender

We can shed a tear.

We must not dwell,

and listen to the bell.

Time is against us,

fight it, we must.

One day we'll be all gone,

impossible to right every wrong,

Just let go of the past

and together we shall last.

 

Author's Note

This one was written quite quick, but I think it turned out quite good =)

Reviews

[...]

... wow ryan ... astonishing profundity in such few words ... amazed i am and amazing you are ... (highest rating) ...

[FeliciaS (Poetic Prince..]

Very good work. Very spiritual as well. Shedding off of the old, & taking on the new. It's great. Forgiveness is key. God bless!

[lamia]

great topic , letting go of the past might be one of the hardest things but we should do it and move on , the last stanza was my favourite
good writing!

[Kat Plunkett]

"One day we'll be gone,
impossible to right every wrong,"

I like this part. It shows us that life is too short and
we really can't take it for granted, that we should
forgive and ask forgiveness from others
and try to fix our mistakes before it's too late.
good write.

[R. Nella]

Acceptance. That's what this was about to me. I screwed up, it's over and done with, shed a tear, move on. Finality is in many ways a good thing, particularly if the lights which have gone out have been on their way out for some time.

My only criticism is the third stanza, which I don't think adds any meaning. Or perhaps I simply don't understand, another possibility.

[Levioshock]

Not bad, I liked it

[ettorney]

Good poem but it needs one more think through.

The first stanza works well and sets both the tone and the rhythm of the poem. Then you change the rhythm in the last two lines of the second stanza throwing off the reader's attention from what is being said to how it is being said.

Too many words there. Reduce them.

Same for the first line of the 3rd (take out "however") and the2nd line of the 4th stanza. Finally take out "and" in the last line. Try that and see how it reads for you.

Just an editor's thoughts.

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. I like the feel and desire in the words. You are correct. Past must be left behind and we must create new goals and go forward. I like the complete poem. A very good ending. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Devons]

"However, we must not dwell,
and listen to the bell.
Time is against us,
fight it, we must."

I really like the above verse, excellent. I think you have an accomplished knack of choosing the right word to rhyme with; so that it isn't immediately obvious that you have done so...
The other thing about this that I really like is its subject. Time is such a powerful, intangible dimension, and to write incisively about it often escapes many people and they somehow miss the point... Here you have clearly succeeded in making a very valid point and envisaged the effect of Time very well, and in such succinct words.