Remember

Poetry about childhood.

Remember the day when life wasn't black?
When the world was Simple, and not as complicated.

Remember when dark thoughts didn't come to our head?
and we were carefree, playing till we tire.

Remember when we were free of responsibility?

surrounded by loved ones who did that for us.

Remember when the future seemed far away?

with no worries that strain us everyday.

Now, each day fills us with dark thoughts,

which haunt us and prevent our rest.

Now, each day gave more weight to our shoulders,

to carry for ourselves, and our loved ones.

Life back then was simple and easy

unlike today's complicated journey.

Here is the question which ponders me today,

is it possible that we re-live those days?

Author's Note

I avoided rhyming all together in this poem, and focused solely on the concept.

Reviews

[...]

Remember the day when life wasn't black?

... exceptional opening line ... and the progression is great too ... simple and eloquent ... unassuming but accurate ... well-written ...

Now, each day filled us with dark thoughts,
which haunt us and prevent our rest.

... this is so true ... and you've expressed it with a simple vocabulary but with exceptional precision ... it really is a disease of the times ... our tendency to think negatively and imagine the worst ... a lot of us fall a prey to it ... i know i definitely do ...

is it possible that we re-live those days?

... it's an important question you ask ... and an immensely thought-provoking one too ... it really is possible ... but the first step is acknowledging the possibility ... and we don't ... because we're all too afraid of simplifying life ... of facing ourselves ... at least that's what i think ... that's why we hide and sulk in dark corners ...

... this is an extremely potent and thought-provoking poem ... and i think after reading it ... i'm going to introspect and reflect ...

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

I think you still rhymed, but it works pretty naturally here because you aren't forcing it. I like the first and last lines best. I think most everyone can relate to this poem. I'd suggest maybe using concrete imagery, or metaphors, in order to convey your ideas. Maybe show how a child looks at a particular object differently from an adult. Like how kids can look at a big piece of wood as something to make a bike jump out of, where an adult looks at it simply as a scrap. Or how kids look at boxes as forts or little houses, but adults just think of it as a box.

[Devons]

I think everything about the poem in terms of its message and meanings is very strong as it is - but i think it would be enhanced by an added style... rhyme, assonance, rhythm, whatever... that's all.
I think the structure itself is fine.

[Ryan Falzon - Tymon]

@devons, I may be tempted to re-write the poem with a better structure =).

[Devons]

I must confess that I was almost certain as to where this poem was headed, but the final line throws an entire different complexion upon the whole.
It may be that I am interpreting the poem through my own specific perspective, but the way I see things casts another blackness over these words.. I believe that the whole reason why things aren't as good as they once were is because we ARE re-living these days. In one sense, that we are living in the past, since those days were so good, and therefore these days comparitively so bad.
But in another sense it is because these days have not really changed, but we have simply become too familiar with them through repetition.. And that, indeed, is a very black thought.

NB I think the poem would have had even more depth and power if there had been a scheme or some limited form of rhyme or assonance. Or maybe just to rhyme the last two lines in order to convey the point more solidly.. Perhaps.

However, it is still an important poem in the sense that it deals quite intelligently and thoughtfully with a very real -though intangible- subject.

[R. Nella]

As a child growing up, I always preferred to spend time with the adults. Now I'm older, I'd much rather spend time with the children, and try as hard as I can to re-live those days. But no matter how hard I try, I can nolonger be carefree, and "playing till we tire" comes a lot quicker as you get older.

I have a good work-life balance, but nothing beats the times when I'm running around playing silly games with the kids. Sadly, my mind is tainted by more adult concerns, such as making sure they don't hurt themselves, or annoy the neighbours too much.

One comment. The tense changes between present and past in the line "Now, each day filled us with dark thoughts". I would suggest changing 'filled' to 'fills'.