The fly

A small true story(lol), that gives a small, yet important lesson

The fly.

With door open wide, a breeze walks in,
I sit on my chair, writing my thoughts,
thinking about my sin.

I slowly write, as the minutes pass by.
I look around the room
and find my friend, the fly.

It is simply staring.
Watching as my fingers hit the keys,
and I have to say, it is a bit unnerving.

I close my eyes, and imagine the day of a fly,
and I wonder what the giant is doing,
while he stops me from flying by.

I open my eyes and realize,
that the fly is innocent.
I stick out my finger and let it come close.

The fly attempts to fly closer,
Then it lands next to my hand.
I slowly extend my finger, this time much slower.

Up-close, the fly is not a pretty sight,
as it is one of the most hated creatures,
But, the fly is actually quite a delight.

The fly then leaves, and I dare say,
A small creature, hated by many
Had just brightened my dull day.

Author's Note

Don't hold back! hehehehe :). Also, I don't wirte in any particular style(verse etc), I mostly want criticism about the concept/idea but everything is appreciated!

Reviews

[Jessica Mai]

I really love the concept, about how the appearance of certain things (including people) are used as a representation of what they are. Just because someone is ugly does not mean that they are not beautiful on the inside and that they can't brighten the darkest of days.

[Lorraine]

The concept is interesting and quite unique. You've given voice to such a misunderstood creature, and I think that it is both brilliant and kind. However, I think you should improve your transition. "I close my eyes, and imagine the day of a fly,/and I wonder what the giant is doing" ==> This line confused me for a moment due to lack of transition, so I think you should work from there. It really has a potential to be something more.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Lighthouse Call]

Epic thoughts you got goin' there =)

[Mauricio Montoya]

Hey this piece is so cool I love it great job