Women

A Poem by Anonymous -

It's as if all demons surround the child of a misguided life ,
Born to live a life not wanted ,
But filled with deep regrets and guilt.

Sadness pales in comparison to the love I sheltered from the public ,
Can't have them know I actually do , actually can ,
But love is a double edge sword , sharpened with good intentions ,
But stained with the blood of poor choices.

I know , I should , would , could , be happy ,
But since the third grade , I was searching ,
Couldn't find an exit ,
Over a girl ,
Tore my heart ,
Stomped on it ,
But it was all an illusion ,
I wasn't even on her radar.

Thinking back to all the women ,
Was it by chance , or just coincidence ,
That they all used me , manipulated me and showed me the door ,
Just to find the next holding her arms out ,
Bloody hands with the most beautiful seductive smile.

Then I turned , enraged by the hurt , I became them ,
I used , abused , tore , split their heads apart,
Tried , possibly succeeded in making them fall for me ,
But I didn't like you , nope , you were my sweet escape , a distraction.

I'd love you , but I'd rather torture you ,
But how I wish I could talk to you , and want to ,
Smile at you , and mean it ,
F**k you , and want too ,
But in the end , I'll pay an escort to take my pain away ,
But I'll leave more sick than before ,
Because as long as I'm paying , I'll never feel the hurt.

But how I'd love to know the feeling , of a women actually wanting me ,
But all I've seen is women wanting something ,
So I isolated my heart , tore it myself , vowed to never let another see it ,
But now I'm left wondering if I'll ever feel loved.

I'm feeling more messed than ever before ,
Seeing all my problems appear on the drawing board ,
But when I'm the problem ,
The solution is clear ,
Take a knife , sharpen the blade , lock the doors , cry once more ......

Maybe one day I'll find her , looking at me , looking at her ,
Actually wanting to make her feel special ,
Cause every woman deserves to be held and never let go ,
For their love is true ecstasy.

Through my writing , you may think I hate women , despise them ,
But oh how misguided ,
For all I know is my endless hole of love for women ,
Their smile , sparkling eyes , wicked ways , delicate touches , lips of lust ,
Oh it's trapped me , loving it , hating it ,

But I'll always wonder , if I'll ever fix myself to love a women the way i wish I could ,
But reality is a fickle b***h,
And I'm emotionally unavailable ,
I'm just looking at you for a distraction ,
It's got me sick , cause I wish it wasn't that way ,

But I hope you know deep down , I wish I were different ,
I wish I could make you feel nirvana ,
Make you feel a love so strong you'd love to feel strung out ,

But maybe I'm talking about myself , not a women ,
Cause I'd love to love myself ,

But I'd love to love a women ,

One who loves me