daylight's broken 'round the edges dreams of death and empty pledges
Under
Dust
Wait in line
The time
Is sliding off the clock
Pay the fine
This life
Is a name etched in a rock
Daylight’s broken ‘round the edges
Dreams of death
And empty pledges
Somewhere in some book that’s hidden
Under dust, these words are written
Life is but a wishing well
And one can never know
Where his coin is gonna go
If you reach the highest shelf
You will find
Yourself
Another song/poem that I gave up on once starting... not sure where I wanted to go with it. It didn't turn out what I wanted it to be. Yeah, Ir eally don't care for this one.
Written on 5/9/11
My Review
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This is seriously good stuff. I don't give out praises where I don't think they belong. This poem starts off outstanding, but I agree even as I read it I could tell you didn't know where you wanted to go with it. Happens to me alot. I would like to spend a little time working on it and try and steer it in a direction if you don't mind. Maybe I can send you a message with an alternate ending. But I really like these lines:
Wait in line
The time
Is sliding off the clock
Pay the fine
This life
Is a name etched in a rock
Daylight’s broken ‘round the edges
Dreams of death
And empty pledges
Somewhere in some book that’s hidden
Under dust, these words are written
After this it goes downhill for me. Maybe you agree too. But you are on to something with this. I would not give up.
This is seriously good stuff. I don't give out praises where I don't think they belong. This poem starts off outstanding, but I agree even as I read it I could tell you didn't know where you wanted to go with it. Happens to me alot. I would like to spend a little time working on it and try and steer it in a direction if you don't mind. Maybe I can send you a message with an alternate ending. But I really like these lines:
Wait in line
The time
Is sliding off the clock
Pay the fine
This life
Is a name etched in a rock
Daylight’s broken ‘round the edges
Dreams of death
And empty pledges
Somewhere in some book that’s hidden
Under dust, these words are written
After this it goes downhill for me. Maybe you agree too. But you are on to something with this. I would not give up.
18 years old, from Eugene, Oregon. Living in Arizona.
In the words of H.P. Lovecraft:
“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all i.. more..