My Savior

"Aah!" my scream echoed off the walls of the basement. My father stood there, with his belt in one hand and a bottle in the other. He cracked the belt like a whip. His snarl warning me. He stepped closer to me, cornering me.

"So you want a drink. Here have a drink." He shoved the bottle in my mouth and started pouring. It went up my nose and burned my eyes. I could hardly breath. He pinned me against the wall and tried to muffle my screams. "Maybe this'll teach ya," he said, his words slurred. The smell of alcohol intoxicating me. My head pounding muting everything else around me. My lungs crying for fresh air.

"Stop!" my savior says. He pushes my father off of me and wrestled him to the ground. The glass bottle shatters and plunges itself into them. They scream as they struggle. Blood. Sweat. Tears. Pounding. Alcohol. The only things I know of. I only last a few seconds before my world goes black.

  My savior is grimacing as I wake up. He's pulling the shards out of his muscular torso. Some small and some big. He smiles when he sees I'm awake. "Morning, sunshine," he says. I smile back. His disheveled hair and tired eyes make him look older than he really is.

"How long was I out?"

"Just a few hours," he says. He turns and I see another shard still lodged in him.

"You missed one." He smiles another one of his beautiful smiles. 

"Can you get it?" I nod. He turns and bends down so I can reach it. I pull the shard out as carefully as possible. He cries out when my shaky hands make the shard cut into him a little more. More blood. I'm nauseous by the time I finish pulling it out. He must see because he tells me to get some rest while he cleans up. I close my eyes when he shuts the door and drift off into a dreamless sleep.  

Reviews

[David R Gonzalez]

this was good. I feel like you can expand this and make it great. Perhaps give a bit more background on the father or the alcohol. Who is the mysterious stranger. While giving more information may take away some of the mysterious nature of the story it while also allow the reader to connect more with characters and truly have an emotion connection to the story. But that is just my opinion not something you have to listen to.

Great Job