Stars

They say that stars determine fate

determine love, determine hate

among the tales that stars entale

a doomed love, is what I regale

 

I watch the pattern, watch the path

the stars took, to show the wrath

of words not said and words too late

the words of angels from heavens gate

 

I refuse to trust them at all now

because they always seem to let me down

they give me misery and give me grief

give me pain and disbelief

 

I watch them pass and nights go by

I watch the stars and clouds go by

I know they see me from afar

the man who defied the tyrranous stars

Reviews

[wicked.wanderer]

One thing about me is that the repetition of a particular word or phrase, especially when in a rhyming set, bugs me.
Your use of 'go by' to rhyme with one another is the only thing that I didn't love about this poem.
"I refuse to trust them at all now
because they always seem to let me down"
In the top line, it feels like you're missing a syllable, but when I read both lines together out loud, you're not.
I think that's a perfect example of where sometimes your rhythm and flow does not depend on your syllables but in fact your tone and cadence.
Otherwise, this is a wonderful poem. :]
And yes, poems are our brain-childs.
Haha.

[lauren emily]

This poem is really good! Everything rhymes and flows really nicely. Great work!
~Lauren