Demon of the Lonely

Just a little poem I wrote. I hope u like it! Please put your feedback so I can improve my writing :)

Oh, Lord, when shall I never be lonely?
When shall I be worthy to have a friend,
to scare away this fiend?
The one giving me the fears,
and making me cry an ocean of tears.
When will someone come along,
to drive out the demon that's been in me all along?
When will this demon of loneliness,
leave and let me have my desired worthiness?

Author's Note

Looking for feedback! I'll take all into consideration and will be grateful for all comments :)

Reviews

[Tobias Rasmussen]

Good first poem to put out there. I will look forward to see your progress throughout the years. I myself started writing around the age of 13 and my were they a lot worse than yours. Keep up the good work and put in the effort to improve.

What your poem lacks right now might be creativity, not that this is a bad poem but trust me I have written something very similar. I miss an egde to it, I would want it to gain a POV. I might just miss the point of why you want a friend. I get you want to get rid of the demon. But does the demon give up without a fight?

Though overall really great work and fresh. I'll look out for your next workings.

[Sean Peyres]

Thank you very much! I will greatly take this into consideration! I will have more poems up soon! Again, thank you!

[MoriartyMesa]

My view goes like this, are you looking for dramatic effect or wording that will beg a question? Now i did enjoy this but i felt like you wanted to say more.

[Sean Peyres]

Should I be trying to put more words, to like express my emotion and make the words more clearer?

[Alanna Nox]

This is fantastic Sean! I see a lot of heart put into this. Great job!

~Nox

[Sean Peyres]

Thank you very much!