An Ink Sketch of a Funeral

For all those who feel alone today,

I knock over an inkwell, the ink

Rolls like raindrops down a page,

I have an ink sketch of a funeral

That will get darker with age.

I flick my pen with boredom, the ink

Lands like smeared blood on a page,

I have an ink sketch of a funeral

That will get blacker with age.

I punch a wall with fury, the blood

Runs like spilt tears down a page.

I have an ink sketch of a funeral,

That will get more painful with age.

I see a crowd of mourners, the black

Scattered like mistakes on a page,

I have an ink sketch of a funeral

That will bring my death with age.

I see nothing in my coffin, the dark

Enveloping my crisp white page,

I have an ink sketch of a funeral

That will just bring nothing with age.

Author's Note

Honest reviews please :) oh, also feel free to vent in reviews or privately as well :) I don't mind hearing about your bad day...

Reviews

[TheWordWanderer]

Some dark imagery portrayed here. I love the idea of something adding to the sketch in each stanza. There is however one line that I thought you could have written better(but that is just my own personal preference) that is "like mistakes on a page." couldn't you have used a more interesting metaphor, something like "the mourners strewn like rough drawn silhouettes across the page." Other than that, an interesting poem with dark images. Well done

[TwoDaysTooLate]

Thank you for your review :) it is very much appreciated - your preference has been noted and I honestly prefer your version - I wrote this quite late at night whilst in the middle of a depressed spell so my metaphors weren't too extravagant! I will try to make them more interesting in future :)

[W.k.kortas]

At the very least, the adherence to a formal construct without having the form overwhelm the piece is admirable and admirably done. I'd be curious to see a free-verse version of this piece. It's a very solid piece of work.

[TwoDaysTooLate]

Thank you so much! Your review is much appreciated :) I will try to get a free verse version up and running soon :)

[V]

I really like this one. The title which you also use as a line in every stanza is great, well written. Dark imagery, good flow. I think you did well.

[TwoDaysTooLate]

Thank you for your review :) I really did enjoy writing it and re-using the last line frequently - it's a personal favourite style of mine :)

[V]

I also like to use frequent repetitions in my writings sometimes. :)