Houses of Dire

Two houses at war in the midst of death

A love with a violent end ad no excuses

Overcast of joys that once united

Now burdens of grief drive words of despair

Communicate loss in hatred designed in whole

Resolve is an illusion lost in sleepless nights

No parent can rest in aggravation so cold

Images of the funeral’s slow precession of rest

A cold body lowered I the empty ground

Horrific tragedy of a play gone awry

Romeo and Juliet’s scene whisper in the room

Shedding tears that long lost their momentum

Cries that can’t be shelter in these walls

Memories drift in longing of a faded future

Rest in peace is a hope lost on the living

Residual echoes of a happy silence haunts

A brief smile creeps upon the tragic face

Only to realize the ghost of the mind

Reviews

[Lee Tran]

This piece has no flow, but its a solid premise that can be made into a quality of work. You have the lines, but your flaw is making them all come together. Transitioning of lines as smooth as possible so the poem isn't a collection of one-liners. Use passive vocabulary when doing these and not force it out. Saw a few typos as well, but those are easy to correct.