The Most Beautiful Vision

A poem

In your bed, lit only by three white jasmine

candles, I was struck by the most beautiful

vision.  I could not sketch your recumbent

slumbering form- naked before my eyes.  No

sketchbook or pencil to capture your breasts

rising and falling with each slow breath.  I could

not put to paper the way your hands rested

softly, holding onto your heart- the space

pierced by sometimes absent son.  I could

not draw your serenely sleeping face- gorgeous

with its fine features.  No yellow or brown

pastels to color your sandy blonde hair

askew just so upon the pillow.  No brown

for the pubic hair rising up in a soft triangular

patch below your belly soft with navel pierced.

Your legs stretched out upon the bed together

side by side to their full length.  I gazed at this

vision of you and your red painted toes for an hour

or two so lost in my thoughts.  I could not touch

you- so pristine and silent or the pose might change,

so I smoked and lay at your side until you rolled

over revealing your back at which time I shut my eyes.

Reviews

[Bel]

Very nice poem. You've really captured the image. You don't just describe, you make the reader see the vision. The rhythm is very good, almost like an undulation. I didn't really like the last versen though, I feel the rhythm is broken. I found it to be too abrupt, too harsh somehow. Maybe you could replace 'at which time' with a simple 'and'?

[Emily B]

Gorgeous.

[T]

Beautifully penned ... your love shines in this beautiful poem ...