When The Ship Goes Down

This poem is quite ambiguous in some respects, as I intended. It concerns a young sailor on a ship, as it is taking on water and about to capsize. And then, something mysterious happens to him.....

When the ship goes down,

all you've got is yourself,

what use are you friends,

fame or wealth?

 

Join the scramble to the deck,

running too fast risks a broken neck,

you gasp for breath,

with the fear of imminent death,

 

fond and fearsome memories flood your mind,

with the smothering force of a closing tide,

was it worthwhile,

this struggle called life?

 

You trip and stumble as the deck draws near,

all around you is dread and fear,

fellow captives of modern life,

push and shove in the madness of flight,

 

Will you ever again,

witness the morning light?

but closer to hand,

is the bitter fight,

 

After time unknown you spy the sea,

will a watery grave be your destiny?

what other choice do you have?

 

Leap to your doom,

or for a lifeboat fight?

it's at this moment that you see the light!

 

Are you dreaming,

and where are the sounds,

of your fellow sailors in the here and now?

 

The light it shines with a brilliant gleam,

and the sea reflects it with a glorious sheen,

your head spins and eyes feel glazed,

what lieth behind this mystic haze?

 

It's only then that you realise,

what a relief can be found in an early demise,

as you feel the saviour in your heart,

and from this world feel glad to depart...

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Jason]

I really like this Julian. Especially in the beginning you ask a very intriguing question in "What use are your friends, fame or wealth?" When I began reading this I froze after that line for a moment before restarting to read the poem from the beginning once again. The question strikes me as one that is constantly present in alot of situations. I guess the answer depends on the person though right? From there I believe the poem follows much of the same intellectual sequence all the way to the tale of our departure. You ask alot of questions in this poem that are in most of our subconscious thoughts more often than not. Very interesting. Praise is deserved for this one, and I for one, enjoyed it.

Jay

[Chris Shaw]

Your words here made me reflect on the sinking of the Titanic and the hopeless situation, so many found themselves in. I remember seeing a picture of a woman in a life jacket clutching her baby to her breast in the water. They died from the cold. I can only imagine the terror she had to face. I hope her end came quickly. I appreciated the metaphor here and your poem gave me much to ponder on.

Chris

[Twilight]

Thanks for your added insights, and observation. And, from a woman's perspective. By coincidence, I have recently considered how differently; a woman would think and feel - "when the ship goes down" (literally). We're engineered differently, with that just being part of nature. Having said that, I just wrote this from my own perspective; all those years ago. Julian

[jacob erin-cilberto]

We are alone in death, yes, but we can hope that there will be those who might remember us fondly and think of our lives as worthwhile...maybe we contributed something before the ship went down.
Poets hope to leave their words as legacy.
The captains and all of the ship's mate.
In the third line, I read it as "your"?
I agree with others here on how sound the metaphor is and how we can feel the isolation this poem expresses.
j.

[Twilight]

Thanks, Jacob. Yes, it should read as "your" in that line. I probably typed too quickly at the time, which is more of a risk with spontaneous writes.

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Life is short.

[Twilight]

Thanks, Thomas. Just spotted your praise.

[Eilis]

This is a well-developed metaphor. You mentioned on my poem that you feel clarity in metaphor is important. You’ve achieved that here. There’s a good balance between clarity and allusion. I think poetry affords freedom to be creative with ideas and language, and also that finding new ways to say things is one of the gifts poetry offers. Difference in interpretation is one of the joys of poetry for me.

You have shown here how you can be both clear and offer an extended metaphor that speaks to the human condition. We all suffer and much of our suffering can’t be shared. There’s an inevitability to our lives—the sinking ship of us—yet we have a choice how we process that and proceed within reality. That is what your poem says to me. There are certain things we will face, their context may vary, but adversity will be part of every life. You ask if we will give in to despair or keep moving forward learning and growing as long as we can. These are questions we all will have to answer. I like how you explored that here. This is strong work.

[Samuel Dickens]

I'm a twenty year navy veteran, so you might know I was attracted to this. The scene that you describe so well was always in the back of my mind, but something I didn't want to ponder. We had a certain amount of training on what to do if abandoning ship, but the chaos of that kind of situation might turn everything to crap. The light you mention might be the crossing over, I imagine. Lucky for me, Davy Jones never invited me to his locker.

[Twilight]

Yes, and thanks for the positive feedback. At around the time I wrote this, Poe's tale about descending into a malestrom whirlpool by ship; was on my mind. Well, somewhere beneath my deck anyway.! And, I have long appreciated some seafaring stories; and "the mystery of the sea"; as people sometimes call it. Also, more surprisingly, a Cyprus Hill rap song title; also promoted me to go with this one. (Not that I ever liked that group but the song title spoke to me!).

[Jenny Nelson]

Excellent! Your description paints such a vivid picutre. What I'm taking away from this is, someone at one point in their insane, hectic, competetive life, finally "sees the light" of where their focus really should be and understands the aid and peace that comes from that source. Again, an excellent piece.

[Ama May Cooper]

Wow.. this peace was tremendous. Such a vivid image permently imprnted into my mind of sailor scarabbling to survive, and the light , i assume death it is beautiful the innocence of it all. Your poetic ablities amazing andi hope you never stop writing

[kewlbluetiger]

Oh man! This was so awesome in so many ways. It is so faithful. The message here is so strong and you so poetically approach it. Really, you don't know (perhaps you do), but such a write can inspire hope. I so want to jump on a spiritual soapbox (in a good way), but really this write for me touched my heart and my faith. You left it with a sense of mysticism that one could interpret this perhaps many ways depending on experience and faith, which is what makes it so great to reread.

You know, I'm a huge "Deadliest Catch" fan- and I always think about what drives us as people to live lives on the edge, and how much faith one has to have in something to know sudden death is a real possibility. The final stanza was the strongest for me with the question posed in the third about life's struggle- the runner up.

Love this write. Keep up the fantastic work.

[Dianah]

I like ambiguity in poems and this one flows well too. Lifes struggles dissolve in the light. I like subtle poems about faith. A hopeful write.