The Crypt

       The caretaker had been responsible for this crypt for as long as he could remember. His former master, a wealthy landowner, had insisted that someone should watch over his body after death. According to some, this was due to the evil curse. Yes, and what a wicked spell that was! "Mad Bess", who lived in the nearby forest, had felt thirsty for yet another chance to blacken the Kludestine's family name. But, why?

       Well, the old crone blamed the Kludenstine family for their ongoing efforts, to convince local people, that her black magic was little more than a myth. Predictably, tension between the two sides had been building up over the years. Although her powers were weak, in comparison with Nanziror, the evil necromancer, she had great influence in local affairs.

       The simple folk from miles around, would often come to her for advice. Usually, this was in regard to their medical ailments, but not always. She became adept, at providing both tax advice and other matters concerning everyday life. Her way of gradually earning a living, was gradually to bring hardship to both her and the locals, once that final decision was taken by the Kludestine family. It had simply been too much! The family's patience had been tested to breaking point!

       Mad Bess had been taking business from various members of the family, despite their regular threats to her life. But, what did she have to fear? After all, they were only mortals, despite their local reputation and influence. Even some of the local children, had started to lose their respect for the Klandestine kin. Believe or not, even they had realised that no ruling family's power had any permanence in this world. Indeed,  even that of the Klandestine folk, who had ruled this land for generations.

       The most senior member of the family was Baron Lukenvold Kludestine. Perhaps, that is why he was chosen by Mad Bess. Without any fear, she was willing to take vengeance on that vein mortal. Why should the Baron threaten her life, when she was actually saving lives and giving valuable advice throughout the village? Occasionally, her hatred was so intense, that she compared his villainy to the bestial savagery of the "hill people". An insult of the most serious kind, in that troubled realm of vampires, bandits, dark magic, and of course, the dreaded hill people.

       You might not think it from looking at her frail old form, that she had any real power. If you thought that, then woe betide you, dlligent reader! After all, it is rumoured that her dark magic can even enter the very dreams, of any foe or doubter. And, so it came to pass, that Mad Bess could wait no more. She decided to curse the foolish Baron, before his minions could pose any further threat to her life.

       It was with these thoughts on his mind, that the feeble caretaker carried on with his chores in the darkened crypt. The twilight had come to pass, at least three hours ago. The occasional raven, or some other mystic bird, would sometimes catch his attention with an arrogant crow. Every so often, he could just about hear, the dull clump of a vagrant's drink-soaked body, or the moan of young lovers in the night. The crypt of Baron Kludestine, was never a safe place to be alone!

       Shortly before twilight, the wretched old caretaker had one special duty to perform. He was simple of mind, but kind in heart. Before the Baron's hideous death throes, Mad Bess had stood there gloating with relish! The old caretaker could remember that terrible moment, so vividly! Blood had seeped from the Baron's eyes, whilst terrible sores appeared and then burst on his skin. It was almost as if, the former landowner was experiencing some form of fit or violent rage!

       The undertaker was confused and frightened, as he watched the old crone's curse go to work on the hapless Baron. Many years later, the undertaker would often ask himself, "why did I believe her?". And, "was she really any better than the Baron?" Well, he knew by now. Now that it was too late to do anything about the dark eternity in which he was trapped! You see, Mad Bess had promised to the undertaker, that so long as the Baron's corpse was kept secure and away from inquisitive eyes, then he would have eternal life!

       Simple though he was, even this undertaker feared that such a promise might be little more than a dream. But now, even that thought was long forgotten. The poor wretch sat gibbering and drooling, as he gazed at the face of Baron Kludestine. What remained of it, that is.....

Author's Note

"Mad Bess" is actually the name of a real person who lived hundreds of years ago, in the Ruislip area of London. A woodland area was named after her, "Mad Bess Wood". It is said, that this old woman murdered and robbed rich travellers, who dared to "cross her path", so to speak. Whilst writing this story, I was thinking of the feudal times in medieval England. Surfs worked on the land, with Knights and barons owing their allegiance to whoever happened to be on the throne. I read that King John was one of England's worst rulers, during this rather bleak period in history (sometimes known as "The Dark Ages").

Reviews

[Nik Dendera]

Argh! You've provoked the history deamon within!

Right, story first. Apart from having commas in odd places; "The caretaker had been responsible for this crypt, for as long as he could remember." I'd lose the comma after 'crypt'. It reads better as one whole sentence.
"The most senior member of the family, was Baron Lukenvold Kludestine." The same thing, lose the comma after 'family'.

But apart form those odd niggles, it reads really well and you've got a good story. One thing I have noticed with your stories is that you very rarely describe the place. You stick to the characters. Personally, this works for me as I write stories which are character driven.

Now for the history! I knew of 'Mad Bess'-I lived in Harrow which isn't too far from Ruislip. Nice idea using that-very rarely does the social history ever get told in one form or another.

(Now for my uber geekiness! King John was one of the worst, though if it hadn't have been for his tyrannical approach, we would never had had the Magna Carta, and therefore, no legal system-the USA wouldn't have the same Constitution! The period, although bleak, wasn't the 'Dark Ages'. That was the time before the Normal Conquest, pre 1066. Anglo-saxons. By the way, William the Conqueror was a bit of a nasty git, too!)

[Amund Schofield]

I like the over all story, though the last paragraph doesn't seem like its congruent with the rest of the piece.

[Inactive]

I like this piece, the characters seemed almost real. The only fault I could find was the commas, some of them are placed awkwardly. But, as this was already mentioned by D. E. Key I will leave it at that.

Nicely done.

- Neo

[Sean M. Addams]

really liked this piece thought the storyline and character development were good in this... nice job.

[-WolfReaper (NERV)]

I enjoyed that one. All i can really say is about your comma's, which i think you overuse. But that would just be your style. Other then that great idea, I remember on SOSE hearing about'mad bess' we didn't make anything of it, our teacher just mentioned the story.

[OutToLunch]

i enjoyed the story very much, although i agree the comas are in weird places. I've been reading your stuff, and i think I'm getting hooked. I'm not much a writer, but i like books. Honestly, i signed up to read other people's stuff. oh, and my friends' stuff too. but that's beyond the point. what i mean to say is: if you are coming out with some new stuff, know that I'll be here to read it. (by the way, i CANNOT write, so don't go reading my stuff just because it's there to read. don't laugh, I'm actually saying this. honestly, i posted it thinking "AHHH! my profile is NAKED! my friends are going to kill me!" perfectly understandable.)

[CLUTZ]

wowzerz i love it......Mad bess...... good job

[Raven Wilson]

Wow, this was a really good piece for thought! I like the way it was presented, not too much that gets in the way of the story, very nice.