I Miss You

So please save me,

from that distant shore,

before I choose,

to live no more,

 

Without your love,

what do I have,

an empty life,

of only strife,

 

Why did you leave,

my beauteous bird,

you were never caged,

just say the word,

 

Please make it clear,

what I must do,

to draw you back,

and start anew...

 

Reviews

[Aurora]

The message is clear, in this poem. Wanting a lover back, who left because they felt bound and "caged."

There was nothing wrong with the rhyming or anything, but I must admit I was disappointed when I read this piece. It didn't... properly convey the feeling. Like your other ones do.
That's just my opinion, at least.
Not because it's short, but because I got the sense the person speaking was feeling tormented, or hurt, longing, but I didn't -connect- with them. I couldn't feel it.

It was good, but it was just missing something. (:

[Wildecat]

This is a beautiful poem Julian! Good work. and a nice read.

[J.Black]

This was sheer bliss, Julian! - filled with a ton of short lines, great beat and outstanding words.
Just because you miss someone so much that it nearly kills you on the inside, never loose hope and keep fighting. Sooner or later they will come back to you as the final prize.

[Sarah]

Very pretty - loved the short lines & natural rhyme. Full of emotion, beautiful.... great job!!! =)