I Miss You

So please save me,

from that distant shore,

before I choose,

to live no more,

 

Without your love,

what do I have,

an empty life,

of only strife,

 

Why did you leave,

my beauteous bird,

you were never caged,

just say the word,

 

Please make it clear,

what I must do,

to draw you back,

and start anew...

 

Reviews

[Aurora]

The message is clear, in this poem. Wanting a lover back, who left because they felt bound and "caged."

There was nothing wrong with the rhyming or anything, but I must admit I was disappointed when I read this piece. It didn't... properly convey the feeling. Like your other ones do.
That's just my opinion, at least.
Not because it's short, but because I got the sense the person speaking was feeling tormented, or hurt, longing, but I didn't -connect- with them. I couldn't feel it.

It was good, but it was just missing something. (:

[Snuggles McClintock]

When I read a poem that starts with please...it makes me feel the narrators desperation

[Ama May Cooper]

The feeling as if you are drowning , loosing a little bird in such a vast world. Love a tender and succlent being and also the use of a bird also links into the idea of love being freedom and strength a tender and sweet piece. Keep writing

[Vesa Lee]

................
Please make it clear,
what I must do,
to draw you back,
and start anew...
................
Heart breaking words well express these powerful emotions.
I know many who could identify with this personally.
Well done.

[Susan]

i enjoyed this one...i can identify with you, in feeling that lost love,the one that we let get away...

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

One can only find his way across the river of love's tormented loss by drowning in it. The sadness saturates our being and weighs us down. The waters of time, however, eventually give us buoyancy, lifting our wings that we might reach that distant shore.

My one and only bone of contention is with the second stanza in which your abcb rhyme scheme gets completely lost, which, unfortunately, disrupts the fluidity of the poem.

You already have the rhyme without the stanza. It was simply misplaced.

Without your love,
an empty life.
What do I have
but endless strife.

Linda Marie

[SeisaMystique]

Beautiful Rhythm... I see you entered this in a contest, Good Luck,

[Masq]

Very touching. Although it seems that the begining of this poem is missing. Almost like It was already in progress when I started reading it. Overall I really liked the sentiments of this write.

[Shelly Araujo]

beautiful and moving

[closed account]

so sad you can feel the emotion of the want behind the words, very nicely written.