Mirrors

This poem is slightly philosophical and romantic. It was written quite spontaneously.

Shatterred mirrors and broken minds,

solace in life,

is hard to find

 

like a mirror,

your mind reflects,

on future successes,

and past neglects

 

like dust or grime,

over time,

our fears build,

over love we pine

 

always searching,

but rarely found,

true love,

is so profound

 

like the shiny glass,

and solid frame,

of a mirror built,

in virtue's name

 

your soul it seeks,

to light the flame,

of truth and love,

you look above

 

at the sky so clear,

and you think again,

that seeking love,

is sometimes vein

 

when your mind wrestles,

with thoughts profane,

in life's cruel pattern,

is there any shame?

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

Did you mean to cut the first line in two? You have four lines in each verse after that. That said, I might have written this in couplets anyway, if just for the rhyme. There is a lot to like in ths. I like the last stanza, but I would probably drop "any" from the last line. The rhythm doesn't work for me. I also think you mean vain in the punultimate stanza, not vein. For me the 3rd and 4th stanzas are the weakest. In the third, there is something off with the rhythm, or possibly the repeat of over in the 2nd and 4th line. In the 4th stanza, I think true love/is so profound could be stronger. Your stanzas come in pairs, and that line should carry the punch of that pair.

That, in fact, makes me think that in addition to converting to couplets, you might pair the couplets into 4 stanzas instead of 8.

Shatterred mirrors and broken minds,
solace in life is hard to find
like a mirror, your mind reflects,
on future successes and past neglects

It strengthens the meaning and clarifies the structure. For me, that is, and you may have different thoughts entirely. Yes, my reviews should come with a hazard warning. I say what I think, and not what you probably hoped I would say. Of course, you can always take it or leave it.

[Twilight]

Thanks, Anne. Yes, I intended to type vain and not vein. Perhaps, my subconscious had momentarily slipped back to my horror writing lol? You have reviewed this piece professionally, and I agree with just about all of your observations and thoughts. When I think through the actual rhythm, I don't always go with how it would rhyme naturally to most readers. Specifically, I linger on some of the words; as if pronounced more slowly or faster than people would tend to say those words in every day life. So, a bit like cheating to myself; in order to make the rhythm feel right. But, that's just a bad habit of mine; sometimes lol. Thanks again.

[[untitled]]

Using mirrors as a metaphor into one's heart and mind, is very well chosen. Dust, dirt and grime, tend to build up on mirrors, if they are not cared for, just as the heart and mind. I sense that the narrator is hopeful to find love, but then again, wrestles with him/herself as whether or not it truly exists at all . . .

"when your mind wrestles,
with thoughts profane,
in life's cruel pattern,
is there any shame?"

The only change I suggest is changing the word "vein" to "vain", but maybe you have it spelt this way for a reason. Overall, a deep, insightful poem that packs a powerful message.

Brava!

[Twilight]

Thanks, and keep writing too.

[Everchanging Disaster]

Wow...I mean wow. This is very deep-I love the concept...the rhyme scheme is so simple but seems so intricate coupled with your word choice, and more over I absolutely love your metaphors-they are perhaps one of my favorite weapons in the poets arsenal...BRAVO!
Another truly classic write!
Always a pleasure!

[[untitled]]

Well J, I'm certainly impressed. It is reflective piece with some romance entwined in the mix. Good job.

"Shattered mirrors and broken minds,
solace in life,
is hard to find" ~ A very nice opening.

"like a mirror,
your mind reflects,
on future successes,
and past neglects" ~ I love the analogy created here. Nice work.

[Twilight]

Thanks, for the detailed review.

[Amaunet]

Great job at capturing the emotion. The words make it where you can actually visualize the image of both love and a mirror to mind.

I especially liked this verse:

'always searching,

but rarely found,

true love,

is so profound'

[Twilight]

Thanks, it's good to receive comments or reviews; and acknowledging reviews too..!

[Ladysue]

This was a beautifully expression. It flowed easy and the rhyme gave it a light easy sing song feel.

I absolutely love these line...

your soul it seeks,
to light the flame,
of truth and love,
you look above

I loved the read and the message as well. Nice work.

[Twilight]

I'm pleased that you liked it, and good to see you back on my friends list (where you belong lol!). Keep on writing and reviewing..!

[Eldee]

This was lovely!
Loved the message and the rhyme that you had through it.
Was there supposed to be a pattern to the rhyming though? I admit I couldn't find one, it kept jumping from aba, to aabb, to abab, and then had a line of no rhyme somewhere...

[Twilight]

You loved the message and the rhyme, so try not to worry over the "pattern" though lol. After all, you enjoyed it just the same.

[Raven Wilson]

Again your rhyme sceme, done exquistly really adds, Its odd but I like the message this portrays, its familiar

[Twilight]

Thanks for the praise, Raven. Best wishes.