Mirrors

This poem is slightly philosophical and romantic. It was written quite spontaneously.

Shatterred mirrors and broken minds,

solace in life,

is hard to find

 

like a mirror,

your mind reflects,

on future successes,

and past neglects

 

like dust or grime,

over time,

our fears build,

over love we pine

 

always searching,

but rarely found,

true love,

is so profound

 

like the shiny glass,

and solid frame,

of a mirror built,

in virtue's name

 

your soul it seeks,

to light the flame,

of truth and love,

you look above

 

at the sky so clear,

and you think again,

that seeking love,

is sometimes vein

 

when your mind wrestles,

with thoughts profane,

in life's cruel pattern,

is there any shame?

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

Did you mean to cut the first line in two? You have four lines in each verse after that. That said, I might have written this in couplets anyway, if just for the rhyme. There is a lot to like in ths. I like the last stanza, but I would probably drop "any" from the last line. The rhythm doesn't work for me. I also think you mean vain in the punultimate stanza, not vein. For me the 3rd and 4th stanzas are the weakest. In the third, there is something off with the rhythm, or possibly the repeat of over in the 2nd and 4th line. In the 4th stanza, I think true love/is so profound could be stronger. Your stanzas come in pairs, and that line should carry the punch of that pair.

That, in fact, makes me think that in addition to converting to couplets, you might pair the couplets into 4 stanzas instead of 8.

Shatterred mirrors and broken minds,
solace in life is hard to find
like a mirror, your mind reflects,
on future successes and past neglects

It strengthens the meaning and clarifies the structure. For me, that is, and you may have different thoughts entirely. Yes, my reviews should come with a hazard warning. I say what I think, and not what you probably hoped I would say. Of course, you can always take it or leave it.

[Twilight]

Thanks, Anne. Yes, I intended to type vain and not vein. Perhaps, my subconscious had momentarily slipped back to my horror writing lol? You have reviewed this piece professionally, and I agree with just about all of your observations and thoughts. When I think through the actual rhythm, I don't always go with how it would rhyme naturally to most readers. Specifically, I linger on some of the words; as if pronounced more slowly or faster than people would tend to say those words in every day life. So, a bit like cheating to myself; in order to make the rhythm feel right. But, that's just a bad habit of mine; sometimes lol. Thanks again.

[Jenny Nelson]

I really like this. It's all great, but the first and last stanza's in particular are truly hard-hitting. Definitely thought-provoking.

[Twilight]

Thankyou for the praise, Jenny.

[Marie Harrison]

I love the last stanza of this poem. Deep thoughts of love.

[Dianah]

A wonderful spontaneous poem to get the cogs turning. Very thought provoking.

'like a mirror,
your mind reflects,
on future successes,
and past neglects'

Love those lines.

[Siv]

Fluid and dancing. Lovely play on words. The first stanza WOW! So true.

[Hayame]

Beautifully written.

[Twilight]

Thanks! Keep on writing..!

[T]

I love this poem, Julian! Wonderfully written. hugs

[Twilight]

Thankyou. I know that you have left WC. Peace, be with you.

[Sarah]

Nice use of rhyme & carrying the mirror metaphor throughout the poem. (= I particularly enjoyed the verse, "like the shiny glass, / and solid frame, / of a mirror built, / in virtue's name" Catchy, deep, beautiful. Nice job. :)

[Twilight]

Such praise and encouragement, thankyou!

[ATG]

This was a great poem. Very well thought out and very well written. I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work.

[Twilight]

I will do, and thanks..

[Lorrie]

Wow...very thought inspiring and very well done.

[Twilight]

That's the sort of positive praise, which is good to receive.