I like the atmosphere of the poem, Twilight. I'll be honest and say that while I like poetry, critiquing poems are not my strongest point (since I've not much experience in this particular area).
I have to agree with some of the other reviewers. The flow goes really well for the most part but there are a couple of snags:
the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to dine
and
knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole
For the most part you tend to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines of every stanza, but for the two verses mentioned above, you don't. It throws the rhythm of the poem off. I'd suggest either rewriting the last lines of both or finding a word substitution so it flows better.
Good luck! I hope this review helped :). Let me know if there is anything else I can elaborate on.
very well written! The rhythm gets a little thrown of at parts, but it was still a very good poem!Twilight is always a great them as well. Keep up the good work!
I like the atmosphere of the poem, Twilight. I'll be honest and say that while I like poetry, critiquing poems are not my strongest point (since I've not much experience in this particular area).
I have to agree with some of the other reviewers. The flow goes really well for the most part but there are a couple of snags:
the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to dine
and
knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole
For the most part you tend to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines of every stanza, but for the two verses mentioned above, you don't. It throws the rhythm of the poem off. I'd suggest either rewriting the last lines of both or finding a word substitution so it flows better.
Good luck! I hope this review helped :). Let me know if there is anything else I can elaborate on.
I really like this! I must have read it over and over five times! :)
As new as I am to writing, and reviewing I will leave the serious critiques to those who really know how to do so. Anyhoo, I think it rhymes and flows very well.
Nicely written, and while the tempo was continous, there were times that some of the words didn't quite match the inner tempo I felt the poem was using.
This line in particular:
knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole
I felt like the the tempo snagged just a little on the second line. Despite that, however, the imagary was fantastic! And left me very impressed.
I liked the piece overall and it's really imaginative and the imagery is fantastic. I felt that the formatting was a little awkward. The line between stanzas sometimes blurred and I think if you just take a look at it, maybe read it out loud you can see what I mean. The sixth stanza in particular seemed awkward to me and i ended up reading it twice. Other than some minor things with flow it was a very powerful and moving poem. Very chilling. Great job.
Overall I like this poem very much. A wonderful demonic chant lush with dark overtones and imagery. There is one suggestion:
"knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole" ~ It's a tad off in the rhyming; taste vs. suffice. Sorry, I hate giving criticism. Other than that I think its great. You display a brilliant imagination for evil forces ;)
I like the overall feel of the poem, the wording, and intent. I think what makes it difficult to read in certain spots is the slipstream from one rhyme scheme to the next from one stanza to the next. Consistency in rhyme and meter would go a long way towards improving the fluidity of this poem.
The greatest piece of advice that I ever received from anyone when I first started writing was to use rhyme and meter. It's a challenge at times; but one which, when properly used, can really make a poem shine.
My first name is Julian. I'm a white male, straight, English and 51 years old. My email address is [email protected]. Writing is just an interest to me. However, maybe I have the potenti.. more..