Moonlight Dance

Do you hear the chants,

of that moonlight dance,

those bestial roars,

and faces gaunt

 

the moonlight shines,

on that crimson wine,

where wicked beasts,

love to dine

 

no one dares,

to break the throng,

when they hear those beasts,

as they sing along

 

merrymaking fiends from hell,

and their demon offspring,

roar and yell,

your souls they seek to sell

 

that crimson wine,

reflects the light,

wise mortals flee,

from that sight

 

knowing that the fruitful taste,

will more than suffice,

to darken the soul,

and the devil take you whole

 

those hapless fools,

who dare to join,

that horde of beasts,

with bestial loins

 

the wine it floweth,

as slick as blood,

unholy trick,

or evil flood?

 

 

Your thirst it will slake

And soul it shall take.

Reviews

[Jeyanthi]

This poem relates to me in a way of "drunken addiction "... the beast comes and you dare to go or do anything...then it pacifies you with drink.... but the thirst just increases with every sip...
The poem written nicely and rhymes well...
I don't know what's with rhyme,
Maybe that's how we must write
and shine. 😊
Sometimes our flow of thoughts overtakes the words..what to do 😅...
This poem is inspiring..

[Twilight]

Those are quite thoughtful comments, Jeyanthi. I know that the desire to write, is in your blood too. You remain welcome to send me "read requests".

[Jeyanthi]

Thank you 😊 🙏

[Daisy123]

very well written! The rhythm gets a little thrown of at parts, but it was still a very good poem!Twilight is always a great them as well. Keep up the good work!

[Twilight]

Thanks, Daisy! And, I have returned after being away for years...!

[M.A. Hughes]

I like the atmosphere of the poem, Twilight. I'll be honest and say that while I like poetry, critiquing poems are not my strongest point (since I've not much experience in this particular area).

I have to agree with some of the other reviewers. The flow goes really well for the most part but there are a couple of snags:


the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to dine

and

knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole

For the most part you tend to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines of every stanza, but for the two verses mentioned above, you don't. It throws the rhythm of the poem off. I'd suggest either rewriting the last lines of both or finding a word substitution so it flows better.

Good luck! I hope this review helped :). Let me know if there is anything else I can elaborate on.

[Twilight]

Thanks for the praise, and constructive criticism.

[Passingdaze]

Very good piece. Your writing has a very consistent flow. Keep it rockin'

[Twilight]

Thankyou, and keep writing yourself.!

[CLUTZ]

I'm not one for rhyming, but this is nice........and very creative, i enjoyed reading it.

[Twilight]

Thanks, and do keep writing yourself..!

[MeeSa]

I really like this! I must have read it over and over five times! :)

As new as I am to writing, and reviewing I will leave the serious critiques to those who really know how to do so. Anyhoo, I think it rhymes and flows very well.

[Twilight]

Thanks. I'm not someone who has studied the theoretical ways in which poetry can be written, and tend to do it my own way. I normally try to rhyme, so long as my meanings remain clear.

[Amaunet]

Nicely written, and while the tempo was continous, there were times that some of the words didn't quite match the inner tempo I felt the poem was using.
This line in particular:
knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole

I felt like the the tempo snagged just a little on the second line. Despite that, however, the imagary was fantastic! And left me very impressed.

[Twilight]

Thanks for the combination of praise, and constructive criticism.!

[XxVampyrCandyXx]

I love it...the imagery is wonderful. I like the last two lines especially. Very good for ending the peice. Bravo

[Twilight]

Good to know.! I'm a fan of HP Lovecraft, and certainly influenced by him; stylistically. I can deliberately change different aspects of my style, when I want to; but not studied poetry formally as a subject. Best wishes, and hope that you keep writing too.

[Guardian]

I liked the piece overall and it's really imaginative and the imagery is fantastic. I felt that the formatting was a little awkward. The line between stanzas sometimes blurred and I think if you just take a look at it, maybe read it out loud you can see what I mean. The sixth stanza in particular seemed awkward to me and i ended up reading it twice. Other than some minor things with flow it was a very powerful and moving poem. Very chilling. Great job.

[Twilight]

Thankyou, for the blend of praise and constructive criticism.

[[untitled]]

Overall I like this poem very much. A wonderful demonic chant lush with dark overtones and imagery. There is one suggestion:
"knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole" ~ It's a tad off in the rhyming; taste vs. suffice. Sorry, I hate giving criticism. Other than that I think its great. You display a brilliant imagination for evil forces ;)

[Twilight]

For someone who closed their account, you say plenty - Mr. untitled.! But, having a closed account; isn't necessarily a barrier to my fans..! Anyway, thanks for the positive feedback and constructive criticism.