Crystal Sea

Please take me,

To that crystal sea,

Where your arms,

Welcome me

 

In joyous praise,

I long to give,

So much love,

As you once did

 

Your waves wash,

From sea to shore,

It is only you,

That I adore

 

In you alone,

I place my trust,

A love to keep,

In the ocean deep.

Reviews

[Just Manoosh]

I like the flow of this but it feels like the start of something..... like there is more to come?

I would almost add a complete change of pace, an ending perhaps, but thats just my thought.... It is always a compliment when you inspire other writers to write, so well done honey.

"For then you came....

You tore at me until I broke,
Lashed at my heart and made it choke.
In your sodden arms I cried,
....You squeezed at me until I died".

Mx

[Amaunet]

I see you got mixed reviews on this one. And while normally I only give you my personal opinion, I feel I must also look at the reviews as well, in hopes that it helps.

Yes the lines are short, but it keeps one's eyes moving through the poem. Not all poems are ment to be lengthy, some stand magnificent just as asort bursts. As I think this one does. Also contrary to another thing, the change of your rhyme doesn't throw me off balance, it shows both versitility and flexibility.

Poetry, at least for me, is not rigid and unchanging. It's free flowing and ever changing. Just as life and people are ever changing.

For me your subtle changes are viewed as a metephore to just how changable life and circumstances are.

Good... No Ecellent Job!

[Angelic Darkness]

This is beautiful and flowed very nicely. The rhyming was also
good, and the words connected well together. AD

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I agree with Manoosh. The lines are so short that, if combined together, they would only create one stanza. Another thing that throws the poem off balance is the abrupt change in rhyme scheme at the end. All things considered, I think you had a spark of creativity that quickly dimmed. I think it warrants another day in the light. Keep shining!