I like the flow of this but it feels like the start of something..... like there is more to come?
I would almost add a complete change of pace, an ending perhaps, but thats just my thought.... It is always a compliment when you inspire other writers to write, so well done honey.
"For then you came....
You tore at me until I broke,
Lashed at my heart and made it choke.
In your sodden arms I cried,
....You squeezed at me until I died".
Quite so. "Rain" is another commonly used metaphor too, emotionally and in other rains. In "My Rain".. read moreQuite so. "Rain" is another commonly used metaphor too, emotionally and in other rains. In "My Rain" and "Crystal Rain", I sure kept with a watery theme; but hope that you don't become "all at sea with it all"? Best wishes. I love to "read requests", Pryde.
Congratulations Julian on your achievement with this delicate poem. I wish I had reviewed it sooner- when I was pondering across this site in secret after leaving. The images are so vivid and crisp; clear like the flow of water trickling down a ink stained page. The water submerged these words together angelically! Well done.
I Think this flows so nicely! I like the short lines and to me it doesn't seem like it needs to be long and drawn out. Its short and sweet with a good rhythm that makes it memorable. Great write!
I really like this piece imagery is well done and flow is perfect... overall a very well done write.... rhyme was good in this too..fav lines...Your waves wash,
From sea to shore,.......... this part was breath taking to me....
My first name is Julian. I'm a white male, straight, English and 51 years old. My email address is [email protected]. Writing is just an interest to me. My favourite writers include H. P.. more..