Dark Places In The Contemporary Century

This piece is intended as a contemporary follow on poem, from Dark Places; a much older poem of mine.

Instead of just dark places,
It's hard to find light at all,

Modern societies in pain,
Poorer nations in thrall,

So many problems together,
Maketh our burdens great,

Not just costly cars,
Even filling up the plate,

Stormy weather and drought,
COVID plagues delamorte,

Is modern life,
The ideal forte?

Author's Note

Deliberately using very few words, I have sought to encapsulate some key issues of our "modern" age. In my experience, fewer words, if carefully chosen; can have more impact.

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

This is good. Like my last review, I would consider combining your couplets into stanzas of 4 lines. That makes your rhyme scheme clearer. There is something about the rhythm that doesn't work for me in the first couplet. Most of your couplets are asymmetric, yet this one is 7/7. Maybe just split "It's" to "It is" would be enough. Having "just" in the first line wrankles a little, but I can see that it changes the meaning enough not to omit it.

Your last couplet 5/5 works because it's an ending. Actually, I think it would be better as:

Is this modern life
The ideal forte?

You don't need a comma there, and the 6/5 asymmetry again works better for me.

The only reason I am mentioning the rhythm is that you are using rhyme. I find that many poets try to rhyme, ignoring rhythm, but it is the rhythm that makes the rhyme work. If it rhymes, it's poetry. Right? Most of these people don't understand how important rhyme is.

That, actually, is one of the reasons I don't like to write rhyming poetry - because I like maniplating rhythm and playing with it, which just sounds wrong when you have a series of end of line rhymes.

As always, I'm just a single opinion, which you can take or leave.

[Twilight]

What a thorough and detailed review, thanks. By coincidence, I did quiver over the exact wording of that last line. And, quite often stumble with synchronising rhyme with an appropriate rhythm. I don't think that I've mentioned it on here, before; but I happen to be autistic. So, that flaw could be minor manifestation of it. I had originally intended to try and encompass more global problems within it, and perhaps a few more from modern lifestyles. Your understanding is very good, so I genuinely hope that you never experience any self-doubt with your own writing. And, you have integrity; so you are routinely open about how and when you have used AI. And, modest. Also, you are strong enough in character; to take constructive criticism. By contrast, younger writers in particular on here; take it so personally or imagine false motives from reviewers.

[Anne Martin]

Self doubt!!!! Of course, I have self-doubt. That is one of the core tools that a writer should have in their arsenal. Question everything, doubt everything, and when you create something that reduces that doubt to a minimum, throw it away and create something that utterly terrorizes you. Then it might be good.

[Twilight]

Lol, not quite what I meant.! Yes, of course; we all need the self-critical with our writing. I meant, just don't go overboard with it; particularly if you feel pretty drained sure that your initial instinct was right in the first place..? For example, avoiding the urge to abandon a piece partway through; if a relatively minor flaw is "grinding your gears" (in American speak lol).?

[Anne Martin]

I think I did actually mean self-doubt. Self-critical is "did I say this the way I meant to?" Self-doubt is "do I dare say that?" The former assumes that you are writing what you want to write, while the latter asks you if that is what you should write: Dare I be so bold? I think that everything a creative writer writes should ask that question.

[Twilight]

Yes, I think that your reasoning makes sense; as far as that goes. Of course, if expecting to write ✍️ commercially; I certainly would be way more self-critical. When feeling confident, I generally experience less self-doubt; whatever the situation might be (with writing or something entirely different which I might be engaged in).

[Jeyanthi]

They say " be the change, the changes you want to see in the world."
The questions and the reflections you are pointing out is real... poem is thought provoking... we must think and come up the solutions too.

[Twilight]

Those are thoughtful comments, and good that you shared them with me.

[Becky R]

Infact, less is often more. These times don’t need that much, but your point is taken, and yes they make an impact even more so.

[Twilight]

Yes, indeed. I have encountered people on here, who think that it's "ambitious" and clever; to write with meanings to metaphors which nobody could possibly work out. And, then act so clever; when trying to justify their usage. Anyway, each to their own lol.!