My Feet Stink

A poem about malodorous feet....I should probably stop writing poems in the middle of the night.

I am haunted each day by the smell,
Of perspiring pods, that below me, do dwell.
They exude such a stench,
and, good lord, I can't quench,
Those malodorous monsters from hell!

My socks turn to liquid; my shoes melt away.
My friends have seizures; my carpets, they fray.
My podiatrist died,
and I almost cried,
But I think I like him better this way.

Author's Note

I'm afraid most of my poems are like this...a result of sleep deprivation, no doubt. Pretty please with a cherry on top leave a review! I shall be sure to review you too!

Reviews

[C. Rose]

A nice pick me up.

For some reason I decided to try writing poetry today and got way too caught up in the cynicism.
This is refreshing, she says about the smelly feet poem!

Love the topic.

And here is my attempt at constructive criticism. Dun Dun DUN!.
Either rhyme or don't rhyme. The first two lines rhyme. The next two almost rhyme. And the third to last and last rhyme. As a reader it felt like you were going to start a pattern and then dropped it. I suggest you either unrhymed your first two lines, or try to make a rhyming pattern.
(In my opinion) the last line broke the rhythm. Not that I fully understand rhythm, but something for you to think about.

Courtesy of the Constructive Critics group
http://www.writerscafe.org/groups/Constructive-Critics/

[Margo Seuss]

Yes, indeed! I see both of these flaws! I will have to take some time to think about how I can fix these errors. To be honest, I'm really not much of a poet. It is a genre that I will need to develop. Short stories are more of my specialty! Thank-you for your thoughts!!! I appreciate it!

[Chaston]

I enjoy the lighthearted absurd innocence and I can't but want to read it at a frantic pace. Reminds me of Carroll
or Dahl if they would have been hipsters. Love it.

[nseddy]

haha this is a great lighthearted poem! The rhyming works beautifully. From reading some of the older reviews it seems you fixed the rhyming pattern. Very nice read.

[The Nude Writer]

This is so awesome! I love this :) I used to write like this BEFORE I lost my mind :) hehe

[bob, small b. aka invs]

any aspiring writer can write volumes on lost love or true love or the meaning of life, but it takes a special kind of writer to come up with something of this quality. bravo.

[TinyBlondeMonster]

I absolutely adore this poem! It is hilariously charming and easily made my day :) Thank you for the laugh!

[LawrenceRaybon]

Fun poem! I love the concept and can commiserate. ;)

I don't know if you were trying or not but this is set up almost like two limericks put together. If you had a line between "That, good lord, I cannot quench," and "My socks turn to liquid" that ended with a word that rhymes with 'smell and dwell' well you'd have the AABBA pattern. Not that I'm saying you need to do that, but it's so close I thought it worth mentioning.

The rhythm is a little wonky throughout when read out loud, I don't know how to explain it concisely but I would try something like the following...

I am haunted each day by the smell,
Of perspiring pods, that below me, do dwell
They exude such a stench,
That, good lord, I can't quench.

-I know I made it sound even more limericky but that's how it sounded in my head, and I hate dropping 'five toed atrocities' it's so vivid but it's also awkward to say and I couldn't get it to fit a rhythm. As for the second part here's what I'd do to smooth out the rhythm...

My socks turn to liquid; my shoes melt away.
My friends, they have seizures; my carpets, they fray.
My podiatrist died,
and I almost cried,
But I think I like him much better this way.

I hate rewriting other people's stuff, but I could figure out how to explain what I wanted to say without doing it this way. Please forgive my impropriety...

PS: If you get a chance I would love it if you entered the contest I created "A little joy - A poetry contest", from what I've read of your poetry I feel the contest would be a great fit for you!

Courtesy of the Constructive Critics group
http://www.writerscafe.org/groups/Constructive-Critics/

***Standard Disclaimer: These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

[Margo Seuss]

Thank-you, sir!!! I must admit, your corrections do sound better. I really love the five-toed attrocity line so I think I will ponder over this poem for a while and see if I can't figure out a way to smooth things up and keep the funnies!!! I shall certainly take a gander at this contest you speak of.

[LawrenceRaybon]

I just stopped by and saw the rewrite... those malodorous monsters from hell! Bravo!

[Saddam]

My socks turn to liquid,
My shoes melt away.
My friends have seizures,
My carpets start to fray.

It seems you want to try something new, but it is still on the way so polished your art more on this. This is nice one.

[Cory Barrett]

This was great. I have to admit i really needed a pick me up right now, and this is what the doctor ordered.... or the podiatrist as it may be. Thank you!

[Margo Seuss]

Feel free to read my poems whenever you're feeling down. Poetry is not my strong suit, therefore, none of it is particularly serious!

[Cory Barrett]

I really appreciate the fun nature in which you write! I have been writing a lot lately, and i find my self feeling a little "down". I am not a "down" person so i only assume it is all the time in my head. Thanks for the Smiles.

[Margo Seuss]

My pleasure!

[Oswald Chesterfield Cob..]

This made me laugh so hard I cried lol >X<

[Margo Seuss]

Haha! Smelly feet can make you cry as well...although I suppose it would depend on the acidity of the perspiration...

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

lmao you are hilarious >3<