To My Sincerity

I will never know what you want from me.

This world of the transcendent surrounds me in a state of disappearance through my mind and out the soul. Oh where the heavens linger into formality of abrasion and I snicker. Who am I to tell the earth foul? Who am I to endeavor wrath upon those that I envy to show for it?

 

I sit silenced and array in fine light, but the truth that I no longer care to share has me exiled from my own sanity. I form a shield of enlightenment that dazzles everyone with its glory, so dazzling it dazzles me. Yet I burst into mourning tears, my heart painfully screaming why, why do I feel this way and I become enraged. Enraged in how no one notices the scars I pick at continuously, outraged that they can't see through me, but even I can't see the reality I hide.

 

What's to be done when caught weaving a string of tall tales of happiness only pure myth in my existence? I try to reach out for the humbleness of opening what I want my loved ones to see, only to be smacked down with unexpectedly expected hurt from the same ones. No I am not alone in this battle as I dance with Kamikaze, but I do long to know their acquaintance. Show me where you're hiding, tell me that it's normal to bleed, for my safe grounds are crumbling, becoming a hand of sorrowful dust that will only do me more harm.

 

Do I deem frolic the true essence of me that I know is too selfish to wear? Do I even care? For it seems as I do as I'm told I go nowhere but south and quite frankly I'm tired of not being frank with who I am. I bare honesty, yet cursed in the outcast for being too honest.

 

I no longer care that you deny me for telling you what you didn't want to hear. I'd rather be honest and alone than filled with hypocritical liars including myself. This delusional world vanquishes me either way, there is no straight line on a teeter totter unless we all just dissolve in our own failures. I don't know what's to be accepted anymore, but I digress, back into my little hole of secrets I refuse to tell.