Reality Sinks In

Trying too hard to not love someone.

I lie wake reminiscing the day you will come back,
But I know my fantasies are growing too strong for reality,
Like weeds in a 4 by 4 garden.
I've gave myself the horrible dream of wanting you in my arms,
And now I can't shake it,
Because now I don't want to.

But then I grow bitter with hatred.
I don't need you,
You don't need me so I won't care.
And for a little while I've convinced myself that you are nothing,
To my existence as I am to yours,
Until another lonely night comes to me and I wonder,
Do you think of me as much as I do of you?
Do I stand a chance in your perfect little world?

I lie wake wanting to die rather than go through,
The same trauma again.
But fate always takes its course,
And I only end up right where I was,
Right where I dreadfully don't want to belong,
But I do.