Forgiven

I'm saddened. Deeply. I wish that he would have been the guy for me, but I'm glad he wasn't. Tears come to my burning eyes as I remember the song of how we once were. I go to take a bath and I just stay there. I've been in the bath so long it feels like an ocean on a winter night. I've been stuck playing the same 4 songs. Don't Stop Now by Emmy Rossum, Good Enough by Evanescence, When We First Met by Vast, and Running Up That Hill by Placebo.

I've been singing and crying. I know that me and Simon aren't official but still, it's bad. I know I won't cheat if I were actually with him, but still, he's the type to not forgive. My cries are so silently, yet so abundant.

Simon surprises me by coming into the bathroom. Usually he knocks, not this time though.

Simon: "What's wrong?" When someone almost catches me crying I can stop automatically, but all I do is cry intensely more. Simon grabs a towel, lifts me up, wraps the towel around me, picks me up, and takes me to my room.

He starts to dry me off except for my face, which would be pointless because my tears are coming down faster than sound. He hugs me tightly asking me what happened and I tell him everything and I just cry so heavily I can barely talk. All he does is hold me and cry with me. I mutter I'm sorry and he tells me that it's ok because he didn't realize how hurt I still was and that he was sorry for being selfish....

You know how you cry so hard that you start to feel like you're catching a head and body cold? That's how I am right now.

I hate how Simon's so good to me and I hate how I treated him. I cry while he holds me and I slowly start to guiltily feel better. Simon: "How long has it been again?" Me: "Five years... today."