Beginning

All good things happen at the wrong time.

Garett looks at me, a little sad, gloomy that it's the day before my flight. Garett: "I'm gonna miss you sis, make sure you call me when you get back to Connecticut." Me: "I will Gare. Pray for me, I don't want to crash, you know how I am with flying."

Garett smiles, gives our special handshake and walks me out his front door. Me, him, and his cousin had spent one last night together. It was the best. We stayed up till six in the morning, talking about life, relationships, goals, the works.

It was what I needed at the time. What I had missed. I missed connecting and relating with them, especially my brother. We were always close like that and I loved every second of it.

But now it was time to head back to my hometown, it was a drag. My whole trip was amazing. I got to hang out with my family in New Jersey, reconnect with old friends, everything I ever wanted, except one.

Simon.

Me and him had secret crushes on each other for years, but I found that out when he was already in a relationship. Now if you're confused don't be. Me and Garett aren't really related, but neither are Garett and Simon, we all just grew together as well as our parents and their parents so we're basically family, except for Simon.

We had only met when I was 10 and he had the most beautiful gray eyes I've ever seen. He was much smaller than me though, and I was completely bigger than him.

Now, 8 years later, while I'm a small 5'2 he's a smothering 6'4. He's grown very much. He went from scrawny, little girl sounding Simon to sexy more mature with the perfect deep voice, more reserved type Simon. I want him deeply now, but for other reasons. It's funny because the whole time I was here we've had this tension between us. Something deep, something I knew I wanted to find out about but couldn't. Anyways, back to reality.

Simon looked at me, completely zoned out, I don't even think he even realized I was leaving. Simon: "We're gonna miss you Abby." I'm shocked he said something, gotta stop assuming like that. Me: "I'm going to miss you guys too, give me a hug, and don't give me a b***h a*s one, you know how I hate those."

We smile and give each other tight hugs and suddenly I feel this spark and I can feel our heart racing, yet it feels like time has slowed, like we've been holding onto each other for a second too long. We're hesitant to let each other go, but we do and I feel ill the second we release from touch. It was like a near death experience.

I wanted to hug him again to make that feeling go away. But I knew it'd be too much if I did. Me: "See you later guys." I say softly and slowly. Simon: "Hey wait." "Yeah?" I say puzzled. Simon: "It's pretty dark out, let me walk you home." "Ok." I say feeling bubbly inside. I say goodbye again to Garett and me and Simon start walking down the street. Once when we make a right we start walking even slower.

We talked, talked like we've never talked before. It was amazing. We were always so shy around each other so it was a great ice breaker. I just wished it didn't take the day before I left to do it. "You know what I haven't had in like a million years?" I say so animated and zippy. "What?" Simon says while chuckling, smiling at me like, "She's so adorable." Me: "I haven't got a piggy back ride in forever."

I have this big grin on my face while Simon is shaking his head in shame. Simon: "No." Me: "Please." I have the greatest puppy eyed face ever so of course I'll win[don't worry I don't take advantage of that gift... at least not a lot]. Simon squats down and says, "Your chariot awaits my dear." Me: "Why thank you kind fellow." I put my arms around his broad shoulders as he picks up my thighs and wraps them around his waist. I suddenly fill up with regret because I wore jeans, I should've worn a skirt because I know he has the best smoothly rough hands in the world.

I wrap my arms tightly around him, inhale his cologne that could cure a skunk, and just close my eyes, imagining what it would be like, if we were... Simon: "Ab?" "Hm?" I say, eyes now half closed. I didn't notice but he's stopped walking, we're near my dad's house. He puts me down softly, turns me towards him and grabs my hands. Me: "What are you.. Simon: "You feel it don't you?" "Feel what?" I say in a whisper, looking down at our tightly wrapped hands, saddened that I know I have to let go soon. Simon pulls my chin up towards his view and immediately picks up on my ache.

Simon: "How long has it been?" Me: "Four years." Simon: "How can you do that to yourself?" Me: "Well I don't know, I just -I sigh- I can't really handle a relationship right now you know?" Simon: "I know but all you need is someone who truly understands you and.." I cut him off with a glance. I can feel him getting goosebumps with my glare. I look down again and watch him as he rubs the scares on my wrist... don't ask, long story, as well as the relationship thing, they both obsessively tie together.

His voice becomes unfamiliar, deeper yet humble, compassionate. Simon: "Come here, let me show you something." He pulls me along and we walk up this hill where there's a ledge. We sit down and just look at the night blue sky.

I start to doze as I lay in Simon's lap while he pets my hair. Me: "Thank you." I say so low as if it's like I'm thanking myself. Simon gets up and walks away and I follow, worried. Me: "What's wrong?" Simon: "I have to get you home, come on." We walk in silence and the awkwardness swells within me so I do what I do best, listen to my ipod. Just what I need, The Frail by Nine Inch Nails.

Simon asks me what I'm listening to so I tell him and we start listening to it together. We're in the moment, time begins to slow down again and Simon holds my hand. I have a feeling that something's about to happen and I want it to, even though it shouldn't.

It's pitch black out and the light to my dad's house is dim. Me: "Garett is probably worried about you." We both laugh. Simon looks at me and I look back. We stare, seeing each others thoughts into ourselves.

The lights go out.

We both know we're still staring.

He hugs me tightly then kisses my head, cheek, and lips, ever so softly and I'm shocked, but relieved. Simon: "You're welcome." He whispers and kisses me again. For this kiss I could not explain. It was something I had never experienced before. Every ounce of his warmth made my body rage, his soft lips made my heart tremble.

He made me weak, full of love with a brand of lust. He made me shiver with hot tingles, forget about the rest of the world and brought me into his world of dark and frantic power of himself. It was chaotic, it was the best, until he pulled away.

We don't move, our mouths are centimeters away from each other, but we're looking at each other, our hearts singing sad violins, knowing what we did was wrong, knowing that we've been waiting for this moment for 8 years, knowing that I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Simon: "I... I" he keeps saying faintly, confused on whether to smile or feel ashamed.

Yes he has a girl, but did I mention she cheated on him 8 times? I counted.... is it still wrong?

I gently grab his face and put his head together with mine while telling him that it's ok. Simon grabs my hands and says, "No, it's not." Me: "Look, we can't do this and you and I both know that there are three great reasons why we can't be together. Simon: "I know but still.. it's just so hard because, I've always felt something for you but I always block it out because in the end it doesn't matter." Me: "I can't stay here with you, you know I have to go, but you know you'll never be alone." Simon: "I know, but, it's not enough."

For what ever reason I had an urge to look up and there I saw Simon's girlfriend, holding hands with another guy. Me: "Simon, who's that?" Simon looks and becomes full of rage while saying, "Caren's ex..." He lets go of me and walks over to her.

Isn't there some chaotic irony in this?