Use To Be

What I miss most...

I miss:

How I could be transparent to the rest of the world,
But even the change of my cuticles,
You would notice.

Your darkly pitched laugh,
How you laughed like you owned the world's confidential files.

Your secret smile that said a thousand words,
The smile that was held so sacred,
The smile only I could see,
Understand.

Your butterfly brown eyes,
So beautiful in light.

The dark hole called,
Your smooth silky hair,
Oh how I loved getting my fingers lost in your galaxy.

Your stupid jokes that didn't make any sense,
But to me it was like reciting my alphabets.

Your voice,
So toned and mellow.
I could hear the way you carried yourself,
Like a wolf,
Nerve-wrecking,
But delightful.

Miss your heightened sense of compassion,
For when I was down,
You treated me like a new born infant.

How you would hold me in your strong arms,
Look deeply in my eyes,
And tell me that you loved me,
Wouldn't matter who saw or who knew,
You loved me.

Our hidden connection,
Sacred thoughts,
We never told.

Our song,
How we belong together,
Something about us,
We could not see.

How our blood type,
Our DNA,
Matched.
We couldn't live without,
Each others strand.

How your strong rough hands,
Would smoothly intertwine with mine.
How you knew my anatomy,
Knowing what made me feel good.

In your own special way,
You showed affection,
That no one could live up to.

All these things make me miss you,
But now you hate me.
So now what?