Family struggles

            

I wish it could have never happened. Why did it have to fall upon me? Why not someone else? How could all this be reality? Could it have been a nightmare? No, certainly not. My scars along with million’s of others show all but brutal truth. This was a war. And a victorious one, but unbelievable all the same. My life long battle is finally over, and is celebrated through decades of anniversaries. I’m an old man indeed, but I will never forget my adventures along the way. Before I grow out of age and soar with the feathered beauties I shall tell you of my struggles through this ugly war. I dedicate this story to my best mates Basil, Lily, Charmin, Yale, and Macy. Long live their souls.  

 

                                                      Event 1

         A scrawny man by the name of Sonny stepped into his boss’s office with an ‘I knew this was going to happen look’. The office was a lot roomier than his. It had a wooden theme with his finest catch from last weekend’s hunt on the wall. The beauty of a snag as he called it. Sonny found this rather creepy and tried his best not to catch a glimpse. A beefy man sat behind a long desk that filled half the room. A magnificent view stood behind him.

 

         “Sit down Mr. Matthews.” The man snarled placing his glasses on the tip of his nose. Dr. Pale was the man’s name. It suited him well. The sun reflected of his baldhead as he pulled out a piece of paper. Sonny wondered what it was. He hadn’t done anything spectacular. In fact he had been doing quite poorly lately. It was only a few days ago he had missed a complete deadline date and nearly destroyed the company’s reputation. Was that what this was about? Sonny gulped and looked up at his boss who had a not surprising look on his face.

 

         “What is it sir?” Sonny asked. Dr. Pale turned the paper to face Sonny and gave a sigh.

 

         “You’ve been slacking Mr. Matthews. You came in late six times last month. You’ve missed three meetings, and you seem not to care about your deadlines. Do you have any idea what you’ve put not only the people of this city through but myself as well in these past few days?” He snapped pointing at each misbehavior on the sheet. He leaned back in his leather chair and narrowed his beady eyes. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

 

         “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know at the time the seriousness of what I’ve done. I apologize and I h-hope you will forgive me for my mistakes.” ‘Was that good enough?’ Sonny thought. Apparently not. Dr. Pale had a disgusted look on his face. He was on the point of throwing Sonny out the door, but something came over him. He sank back in his chair and twilled with his pen looking straight at Sonny. His round face almost twitched as he said his next words.

 

         “Don’t let it happen again.” Sonny gave a wide grin and shook Dr. Pale’s hand vigorously. It worked! He wasn’t losing his job. Sonny felt a huge amount of relief flow over him. Dr.Pale mumbled something to himself as Sonny nearly threw his arm out. “I want to see no more of this Mr.Matthews or there will be no going back. Hear me?”

 

         “Yes sir.” Sonny said letting go of his boss’s hand. “This will certainly not happen again.”

                 

         “I hope not.” Dr.Pale sighed.

 

 

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                                                                      Event 2

         A loud scream sounded in the kitchen as Sonny walked into his home. He threw his suitcase in the hall closet along with his jacket and headed towards the commotion. His youngest son Abraham sat in his high chair across the room throwing a fit while his wife, Annabelle tried to calm him down by stuffing him with food. Sonny was the only one who could calm Abraham down, and Annabelle was relieved when Sonny walked into the kitchen. She threw Abraham into Sonny's arms without hesitation and collapsed on the living room sofa. 

 

         "He couldn't have been that bad." Sonny said to his wife rocking Abraham. Annabelle only groaned, kissed her baby on the head, and gestured towards the bedroom. Abraham already stopped crying and his red puffy eyes started to droop. Sonny trailed his index finger over the top of the baby's shirt and pulled down the collar. A birthmark lay just below his neck. Abe twitched as his father traced the odd shape with his finger. It looked as if it spelled something. The dark brown mark was visible to be a letter b. Or was it two? It was hard to tell.

 

         "Dad?" A little voice poked in the corner. It was his eldest child Hamon. Only his blue eyes and the top of his hair were shown in the darkness. 

 

 

         "What is it son?" Sonny asked. Hamon crept from the corner into the dim room. The rest of his features were visible. He was a young boy of 9 years. He had on pajama bottoms and a large t-shirt that went down to his knees. Sonny sat down on the sofa with Abe and patted the seat next to him for Hamon to sit. Hamon obeyed and climbed on the cushion. "What is it?" 

 

         "There's something in my room." Hamon said looking up at his father. 

 

          "We've already looked in your room Hamon. There is nothing in there. It's all in your head." Sonny said pointing at Hamon forehead. Hamon slapped his father's hand away and looked straight into his eyes. 

 

         "It's there now. And it's scaring me." Hamon said. Sonny saw that Hamon was very serious as he had been before, but as much as they looked there was no explanation. "Are you still hearing the noises?" Sonny asked. 

 

          "There's more now." Hamon plainly stated. He had always heard these mysterious noises ever since he almost drowned in the local lake. Every chance Sonny had to hear his son's fearful explanations he would tell to the family doctor. 'He's just going through the monster in my closet phase' the doctor would say. Sonny would agree for the most part, but the fear in his son's eyes told differently.

 

         "Can you see if anything is in there?" Hamon asked. The young boy popped his head up over the sofa when he heard his mother coming down the stairs. 

 

         "Why are you up so late Hamon?" His mother asked. 

 

        "He's hearing things in his room again." Sonny said. 

 

         "I told you there is nothing in your room. I'm getting tired of this Hamon. Please go to your room and get to bed."  Annabelle said pointing her finger towards the steps. 

 

          "But-" Hamon pleaded. 

 

          "Go." Annabelle ordered. Hamon pouted and stomped towards his room. He slammed the door behind him and sat on the floor next to his windowsill. It was a beautiful night. All the stars were visible above the town's horizon. Each one sparkled at Hamon as he looked back up at them. He wrapped his arms around his legs and placed his head into his kneecaps. 'I don't want to be in here' Hamon thought aloud. He certainly didn't want to be in his room tonight. Hard footsteps sounded in his closet once again. It sounded like heavy boots on cement. Hamon quickly covered his ears and kept his eyes focused on the twinkling stars. He rocked back and forth trying to make it go away, but with each stomp came louder and louder and soon the door would open slightly. A hand would tap mindlessly on the wood. 'Hear it goes' Hamon said aloud. He clamped his hands on his ears harder.

 

BANG! 

 

           Hamon felt his ears ringing. 'At least it's over' Hamon thought. He got up and went into his bed. All of this was unexplainable to him. Fear controlled him every night and the stars cured him, but he couldn't help but wondering if the stars were helping him or himself. Midnight passed before Hamon drifted to sleep.  'Why'd I get stuck with this room?' Hamon sighed turning off the lamp beside him.  

 

Reviews

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

Do I rightly anticipate a war with demons? Or am i Missing the mark? The first paragraph read a lot more smoothly than some of your previous writing, but you seemed to slacken a little after that. I feel, perhaps, having noticed this in my own writing, that we can suddenly become 'inspired' when we have an idea for a new piece of writing, we get all excited, and then sit down and write some really good stuff. But often, after a paragraph or so of the inspiration having worn off, the writing returns to our average or standard sort of effort, and is not as exciting for want of a better word. I feel this work suffers from this syndrome perhaps to a degree. You start strongly, and the 'Quality' of the first paragraph was very obvious to me as I was reading it, but then it gradually fell away a little - did your excitement diminish a little as the work of 'writing' took over. I feel, however, looking at this first paragraph, you are perhaps ready if you put MAXIMUM effort into 100% of the story you write, to really conceive of a new original and exciting storyline, and persevere with it to the very best of your effort, to come up with a really good and first class tale. You might have to take the story slowly, but a truth is the more effort you put in, especially in reviewing a paragraph as soon as you have written it, looking for any way you can rephrase the paragraph to make it more dramatic, interesting, understandable or exciting, and correcting all grammar problems as you go, the better the ultimate result. So keep at it, and keep on sending me your stuff to review. I always love reading your works and find you a great writer. Keep up the good work. Daniel Thomas Andrew Daly

[alternative_be]

I would not say that Event 1 is redundant, it serves well as introductary to the family and shows that Hamon's father was young once (not taking work seriously as he should) and is able to remember this while dealing with his children.
It is a pity though that he does not take Hamon more serious... for many children will here things that are not really there and that is Sonny's opinion as well...
This chapter shows that Sonny as a father is not ready for the supernatural yet....
Yes, you do know how to build up suspence! I will read the next chapter too!

[chord0]

Suspense, scary horror story. Do not understand the purpose of Event 1? Probably not need it. Are you in the horror group? This will be a good story for it.
good luck
keep up the good work
chord0

[bluessadmood]

this was very nice and very exciting ,the style is so good ,this a very good way building a story ,i would star with ordinary daily worries at work and at home then i would let the events and excitement build up slowly and non stop ,i think you are doing a great job here to make a thriller,if it was for me i would go further and make part two and three,for its progressing so nicely ,i really liked it a lot ,very good work...