The presence

I was lying down on my bed thinking about the whole situation. Perks wasn't talking to me, I was scared out of my socks over something I knew nothing about, and I was not able to summon up enough courage to open my door. I didn't know how Perks was going to react when I came back out. Lets face it; I'm a coward. I want so bad to get up and walk out that door, but I can't. Just as I started grieving over this I heard a knock on my door. I got up to open it surprisingly with ease. I thought it was Perks, but there was no one one the other side. "Perks? Perks?" I asked scanning down the hall. "Was that you?"

"No, it was me." I jumped. The voice came from right behind me. I turned around and saw a boy about six years old with a wide grin and his hands intertwined behind his back.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" I sputtered. He ignored me and turned around to go into my room. "Hey, what are you doing?" He ignored me once again and started to rip drawers out of my desk. Piles of junk spread out onto the floor. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?" He tore down every drawer until everything in my desk was on the floor. "Get out of my room!" I was growing agitated, but he still wasn't responding. I figured he was deaf, but he heard me calling for Perks. "Come on kid get out. Why do you keep doing this?" I got tired of yelling, so I went straight for his arm before he reached my wardrobe. I felt my hand go straight through the flesh of his arm. My heart sank. I looked at my hand, and it looked as normal as ever. "What? Who.. Who are you? What are you?" I jumped up onto my bed, and tried to get as far away as possible from him. He stopped, turned around, and looked me straight in the eyes.

"I don't like questions. Don't ask me questions. Okay?" The boy went back to destroying my room. I clung myself to the wall, so he wouldn't be able to touch me even though he wasn't even trying to.

"Please get out of my house. Please. You may be a part of my imagination or some creepy kid, but that is all I'm asking. Just get out... please." I was begging at this point. The boy had no responce once again. He knelt down on his hands and knees and started going through the piles.

"You have no idea how hard it is to find something you've lost for two years. I'm trying to find it. I know it's in this house." The boy said looking at me again. He looked a little depressed, so I decided to calm down a little bit.

"You shouldn't be going through random people's houses like this. It's rude." This came out a lot better than I intended which calmed me down a little bit more. The boy stood up, stepped onto the bed next to me, and put his hands in mines. I felt strangely comfortable and relaxed. He looked up into my eyes again with a confused expression. He stared at me for I don't know how long. It could have been minutes, hours, or even days. I saw his blue eyes almost instantly turn brown. I jumped, but i don't think he noticed.

"Why not?" He asked me still confused. "I want to find it." I looked at his face with amusement. It was an obvious answer, but he apparently didn't know what trespassing was. He held my hands tighter like he was squeezing the answer out of me.

"Because, people don't like that. It's intruding in other people's business. Why do think what you're trying to find is with other people?" I asked just noticing he didn't like questions. Just as I predicted he didn't answer. Though he kept looking at me. 

"I don't care what they think. I just want it back." The boy pouted.

"What is it you're trying to find?" I asked.

"A watch. A very important watch that I need to find." I was surprised that he answered my question, but I was more interested in why he thought his watch was in my house. "I need to find it now." A tear ran down the boy's face as he went to sit on the corner of the bed. All my comfort turned back into fear when he let go of my hand. I went to sit next to him when I saw a strange symbol on his neck. I decided not to ask about it. 

"If don't mind me asking. What's you're name?" I asked the boy who was looking out my window into the night sky. He didn't respond at first, but he eventually muttered a word I couldn't understand. "What was that?" I asked.

"Giffin. My name is Giffin." The boy said a little louder. "What's your name?" The boy looked back into my eyes. 

"Shandle." I said noticing Giffin's poor choice of clothing. He wore ripped jeans, a dirty t- shirt that was too small for him, and a beanie hat. "Well, okay Giffin maybe we can-"

"Don't call me that!" He snapped. "Never call me that!"

"But that's your name." I insisted shocked from Giffin's sudden attack.

 "My name is to only be in your mind and never to come out of your mouth." He said frowning at me then looking back out the window. 

 

"Sorry. No offense. I didn't know." I said looking at the floor.

"None taken." Giffin muttered. I saw that his face was distorted as if he didn't know what to do next. Giffin got up and paced the room with his hands in his pockets and his head hung low looking for the watch with his feet.

 

 

“What is this watch you’re looking for?” I questioned. He looked at me just as he hid when he lashed out about asking questions. I held back and tried to think of ways to ask about it without needing to ask a question. I paced my mind, and I found it.

 

 

“Giffin. I can help you find your watch, but before I do I need to know what it looks like.” I looked up at Giffin and saw him think about the description. It worked. He had fallen for it, but why didn’t he like being asked questions? That still boggled my brain, but I decided that getting the boy out of my house was more important.

 

 

“Hmm. It was silver. A pocket watch ..and… it had a train carved on the front. It had a gold chain too. So you’ll really help me find it?” Giffin cheered. At this point I finally saw the little boy in him. I smiled then led him out my door. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I added a few paragraphs to end the chapter correctly. Thanks for the helpful reviews!

Reviews

[Mintwhiskers]

i like that that boy Giffen is weird and kinda creepy

[Deborah Shepard]

story is flowing loved it

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Your story is flowing smoothly and there is mystery. I think the converstion isn't real, it doesn't flow the way people talk, it's too proper. With just a little tweeking it could be better. I took a class and the professor suggest we go to a coffee shop or anywhere people talk in public and just listen and take notes. it helps, we drop words, use inproper grammer and such. Slang.

You are keeping your audience engross andthat is the most important thing, keep your reader wanting more, and yes I want to turn the page.

[Evil_Angel]

Ohhh I like this. I like how you differentiate from each person, both having very different personalities. I wonder where his watch is, it sounds important. I also love one of the last lines, " I saw the little boy in him". It makes him very real, good job. :)

[Forist.johnston]

It was an entertaining piece, I would like to read more.

This color was a lot better then the 'In Your Face Blue'. The Blue made you feel hectic, and I rushed through the first chapter as if I were being timed. This was more calm. But I would still stick to black, it's overall more professional.

[Maria C. Donado]

Very nice. But as Daniel Thomas said loose ending DO disappoint readers, I was scrolling down and was like "Wait....-scroll- no more? Ehhh??!" Other than that and some grammatical errors, I like it a lot. Keep on writing ^^

[chord0]

Going through other people's houses to find a watch. Why? What made him think that it was in somebody else's house? Too much plot, not enough characterization.

[Jossy]

I like it keep up the good work :)

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

Its progressing well. I assume you have plotted out the story completely, as most authors generally do. I only do that occasionally with my books - and only a very loose plot idea when I do. I mostly let the book, as I write, take me were it will (though I have a vague sense of were I am heading with it).

It is both interesting and reasonably original. Do you have rationale reasons why the boy doesn't like being asked questions and why he doesn't like his name being spoken? Good books need a system of internal logic, with questions from the reader being answered in the script. Loose ends disappoint readers.

Keep at it.