Feel your Pain

Trying my hand at poems now that people said I'm ok at it.

I feel your pain,

I know your sorrow,

You feel as though,

There's no tomorrow.

 

I walked with you,

I limped beside,

I followed you,

When you cried.

 

I need to help you,

To relieve affliction,

Take your worries,

That is my mission.

 

No matter what I do,

You chase me away,

You flee in misery,

No matter what I say.

 

So now you're gone,

I couldn't redeem,

Never to wake,

From that eternal dream.

 

Author's Note

Anything wrong please tell.

Reviews

[KisuKimmi]

ow...I really like this Greg.... *notices the Sakura picture above* This really fits Sasuke and Sakura.... such a sad couple... Sakura always longing to help him
"I need to help you,
To relieve affliction,
Take your worries,
That is my mission."
That is my mission. but Sasuke would only push her away because he couldn't concentrate on anything but revenge.....even though she would do anything for him...she would have even left the village and helped him

"No matter what I do,
You chase me away,
You flee in misery,
No matter what I say."

You did a very good job on how the words flow, and also choice of wording. The style is excellent. Good job Greg, keep writing or I shall have to kill you >.>

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

Hmmm good. One of the better poems you've written.
I see you did A B C B form, hmm? Well I like that in a poem.
"You flee in misery,
You chase me away."
These seem contradictory to each other, first fleeing and then chasing?
"I limped beside,
I followed you,"
Also contradictory, first limping beside and then following(which, I'm assuming has to mean behind).
"Never to wake,
In that eternal dream."
FROM that eternal dream perhaps? It's impossible to awake into a dream.
Anyway GJ other than that. Sorry to be the only critical one.

[Jade (insanity)]

It was written very nicely.
Also, filled with so much emotion.
It was awesome ^-^

I can also relate...
Not always the best feeling... :[

Great write!
-Midnight

[17thWhitePrince]

WoW ... very nicely written indeed !!!
Really really good !!!
I liked it !!!
A marvel in itself !!!
Great work !!!

[Scott Free]

Oh wow, greg, best poem yet!
The beginning was great, just great--so was the end. The middle was alright, too--I'd like to see maybe just a bit more emotion, rising in that part--but really, really good job.
Love it.

~S

[bluessadmood]

That was nice,really
Feel your pain,as if no tomorrow
Walked with you,when you cried
tried to to help,take your worries
but you flee in misery..
lovely write