Feel your Pain

Trying my hand at poems now that people said I'm ok at it.

I feel your pain,

I know your sorrow,

You feel as though,

There's no tomorrow.

 

I walked with you,

I limped beside,

I followed you,

When you cried.

 

I need to help you,

To relieve affliction,

Take your worries,

That is my mission.

 

No matter what I do,

You chase me away,

You flee in misery,

No matter what I say.

 

So now you're gone,

I couldn't redeem,

Never to wake,

From that eternal dream.

 

Author's Note

Anything wrong please tell.

Reviews

[KisuKimmi]

ow...I really like this Greg.... *notices the Sakura picture above* This really fits Sasuke and Sakura.... such a sad couple... Sakura always longing to help him
"I need to help you,
To relieve affliction,
Take your worries,
That is my mission."
That is my mission. but Sasuke would only push her away because he couldn't concentrate on anything but revenge.....even though she would do anything for him...she would have even left the village and helped him

"No matter what I do,
You chase me away,
You flee in misery,
No matter what I say."

You did a very good job on how the words flow, and also choice of wording. The style is excellent. Good job Greg, keep writing or I shall have to kill you >.>

[qaralynn]

great poem..love it..it's sad but beautiful
great work

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the Anything contest!

[David]

Wow great job!

[Mark]

I would reverse lines three and four in the fourth stanza, to keep the rhyme scheme true.
Apart from that, I can see no overt flaws.
It seems a trifle clinical, for a piece of such high emotion, but as your vocabulary
"blossoms" with the years, the phrases may get more "flowery"--lol!!

[Susan]

There is nothing wrong with this poem at all... It is heartwrenching, soulful...it pulls at your heart...and so well written... kee up the great writing.

[Voice]

Wow that is really deep and though sad...beautiful. you have a way with words thats for sure. amazing write i really love it...

Voice

[Hello Kitty]

Oh! You are getting really good at poetry Titan!

[Shanna (Renae)]

I like this one. :)

And that's all I can think to say. You can you tell I'm brain dead. lol.

[Phenomena]

I absolutely think this is one of your BEST poems!!! I see you were creating some sort of rhyme and I like that, it's just that the third stanza kinda doesn't flow. But as a stanza alone without the rest of this I LOVE it!!! Keep writing!!=D