♥ ►Without You◄ ♥

Hey guys, Hope you like it, any mistakes please tell be so that I can edit. Thanks for the reviews.

I wish you would listen,

I wish you would see,

Someone to fill,

The hole thats in me.

 

I need you to love,

I need you to live,

I need you to hear,

I need you my Dear.

 

Will you always be there?

Will you be there to share?

Will you feel my pain?

Will you keep me sane?

 

But no one has listened,

No one has cared,

No one has saved me,

No, no one is there.

 

Perhaps I'm just selfish,

Maybe that's true,

But I just cannot live,

If I'm without you.

 

Author's Note

Please help with any mistakes, I know there is a lot.

Reviews

[Ruby Moon]

"Will you always be there?
Will you be there to share?"

if it was me, i would put here instead of there...
as the word there feels like your dear is far away, not somewhere close (physically or in the heart)...
here would show that he/she is close by, able to share your feelings, your pain your burden

but then again that is just a nitpick ^-^;

[Ruby Moon]

"Will you always be there?
Will you be there to share?"

if it was me, i would put here instead of there...
as the word there feels like your dear is far away, not somewhere close (physically or in the heart)...
here would show that he/she is close by, able to share your feelings, your pain your burden

but then again that is just a nitpick ^-^;

[Jade (insanity)]

Still love it!
What are you changing about it though?
It says you edit it but the only difference, I think, is the name.
Anyway, it was great!
Keep writing,
Nightmare

[David]

Great job, I really think this is great, you are going to be a great poet, keep writing, it doesn't flow that great though

[David]

Great poem! I love it.

[Jade (insanity)]

I really really liked this!
It was amazing and feeled with so much emotion.
It flowed beautifully

By the way, you don't suck at writing poetry.
Quite good at it, acually.
In my opinion.

Keep writing,
-Midnight

[KisuKimmi]

tis good ^_^

[Kelsey Desmond]

Your getting better at poems...

(lol)

[Shanna (Renae)]

Wonderful, especially for someone who doesn't write poetry. I admire your bravery to rhyme, which is something I absolutely refuse to try to do.

I really liked the line:
Will you feel my pain?
Will you keep me sane?

That is really cute!

[Shay Renee]

OMG... ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL...
SUCH A TRAGIC LOVE POEM..
BUT FROM THIS I CANT TELL THAT YOU DONT WRITE POETRY!
I LOVE IT AS IS!