♥ ►Without You◄ ♥

Hey guys, Hope you like it, any mistakes please tell be so that I can edit. Thanks for the reviews.

I wish you would listen,

I wish you would see,

Someone to fill,

The hole thats in me.

 

I need you to love,

I need you to live,

I need you to hear,

I need you my Dear.

 

Will you always be there?

Will you be there to share?

Will you feel my pain?

Will you keep me sane?

 

But no one has listened,

No one has cared,

No one has saved me,

No, no one is there.

 

Perhaps I'm just selfish,

Maybe that's true,

But I just cannot live,

If I'm without you.

 

Author's Note

Please help with any mistakes, I know there is a lot.

Reviews

[Ruby Moon]

"Will you always be there?
Will you be there to share?"

if it was me, i would put here instead of there...
as the word there feels like your dear is far away, not somewhere close (physically or in the heart)...
here would show that he/she is close by, able to share your feelings, your pain your burden

but then again that is just a nitpick ^-^;

[Kristena]

Good job! I think its great!

[vampireprincess]

I love the ryming and it sounds awesome

[Red Brick Keshner]

It seems pretty much a completed composition. There are times we reach a point in a poem's genesis where it could no longer be tweaked. Then we move on to the next appointment of sorts with our Muse.

[Sincerely, Alex]

I like the flow.
Its very....cute is the word I am looking for.

"Perhaps I'm just selfish,

Maybe that's true,

But I just cannot live,

If I'm without you."

I love those lines.

Great job.


Alex

[qaralynn]

love it..nice flow
as far as i know there aren't any mistakes :)

[Flow~]

When someone leaves us alone why is it that we feel selfish for wanting them back. Yet even in that deep pain of abandonment we try to put them before our own self. This is a very good write~

[Céce]

I really like this, Greg! Especially right now in my life, this means so much to me. So often have I repeated a plea like this in my head. This is short and sweet and gets right to the point.

Thank you so much!
Janesy

[Ebs]

Loved the rhyming structure!

Thanks for entering the "Someone Special" contest

Ebs