IN HER EYES

This poem comes out after watching a show based on true stories in which 'Girl Child' is not encouraged still in some parts of the country! Feel Pathetic to know Female Foeticide is still in practice!

IN HER EYES ...

In her eyes...
I could see a glint of fear
A fear that somewhere lies
Deep within, and brings out a tear

The fear in her eyes questions
"Does my, being a GIRL , create TENSION?"
"Will you ever be able to accept and love me
The way you would, if I was a 'HE' ? "

Her innocent eyes beg her creators
To accept her as a gift of nature
And shelter her with a place to hide
As she just had a narrow escape from FOETICIDE

The fear still lingers in her eyes
Which is then replaced by numerous cries
At once, the mother scoops her in her arms
And that's when her fear disappears and she lays calm

In her eyes...
I could now see a sense of security and confidence,
As she says, "Being born as a GIRL is no more an OFFENCE "

In her eyes...
I see an innocent infant's face
In her eyes...
I can finally find true solace...

Author's Note

I am just giving it a try ! Hope this piece succeeds in conveying the real message!

Reviews

[Meg]

This is a beautiful poem, so full of emotion. The message is deep and confronting to readers. Just a few grammatical corrections, in the first stanza, you say her eyes show a "fickle of fear". Fickle isn't the right word to use here, maybe try something like glint, or flash. The capitalization is incredibly effective, however less so on the word "foeticide". Perhaps change that one to lower case. Otherwise, it is a wonderful poem

[Tse]

Thank you so much for your lovely and constructive review! I really appreciate your assistance here and by taking your corrections in account I am replacing the word 'fickle' with 'glint' . Hope it sounds and fits better now! But I m leaving that 'FOETICIDE' part of thing in capitals because I really wanna stress out on that particular word as in a country like India , it is still in practice .As soon as the parents know its a girl child , they try to murder the child in the womb itself. And that's why sex determination by USG is strictly prohibited in India . Hope you understand why I kept it in capitals.
Thank you so much for your kind words and taking your time to read through my poem and contributing to make it even better. I would love to return the favour . Please do let me know if there are any specific works of yours which you want me to read. Have a lovely day ahead .
With love,
Tsering

[Meg]

I understand, and I'm glad my comments could be of some help. If you'd like to read my stuff, you can. I only have one piece up at the moment

[Charlie Ragsdale]

I have never read the most incredible, succeed, most spoken words that a girl who ever wrote this fantastic writing.

[Tse]

Thank you very much for ur kind words ,Charlie! I m glad you liked it!

[Coyote Poetry]

"In her eyes...
I could now see a sense of security and confidence,
As she says, "Being born as a GIRL is no more an OFFENCE "
I agree. I have three daughters and I taught them to stand strong an d brave. I liked the poem. Left the reader with real truth and wisdom. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Tse]

Thank u so much, Coyote!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[armin]

Very nice wording with a great meaning and concept. The end lines remembered me of my mom, she is out of town for some work and am badly missing her.
In her eyes...
I see an innocent infant's face
In her eyes...
I can finally find true solace...
Such a touching words. Thanks for sharing.

[Tse]

Thank you Armin for your lovely review ! N hope your mom is back in town soon coz her baby is crying at home! Lol! Really our moms are the second gods in our lives!

[AprilRN1210]

informative, heartfelt piece that brings to light a moving, heartbreaking subject.. one small suggestion, and just my opinion, for what it is worth..

(Which then replaces by numerous cries).. would reword this.. made me stumble a little.. maybe say.. "replaced by numerous cries"...

overall nicely done..

[AprilRN1210]

you're welcome.. I can understand what you are saying, and it is expressed nicely in the next line, but worded as it is, it does make me stumble, every time.. I really would consider rewording that particular line....

[Tse]

Thank you so very much for your time and kind words, April ! Really appreciate your constructive reviews and opinions which have always helped me in growing as a poet!
I wanted that emotion alive when I was scribbling those lines and so tried to keep it in the present tense deliberately so that it gives a live feeling ! If u still feel it would sound better with "replaced" , I would be happy to do so!

[Tse]

Okie! Done !

[AprilRN1210]

the poem is in present tense.. sometimes when we are writing and trying to keep a certain meter and rhyme scheme we have to juggle thoughts and words to make it flow into one thought.. into a pattern of thoughts that when placed together make sense.. paint a picture.. evoke an emotion... in this instance with what you are trying to say, in my opinion, it does flow better that way yes...

[Tse]

I have framed it as per your guidance ! Thanx again April! Really appreciate your guidance as I am a newborn here! Thank you so much! You are so kind! Have a lovely day!

[AprilRN1210]

you're more than welcome.. and likewise my friend.. :)