The apple pie

A short fantasy about a princess a prince and mean life.

once upon a time, in a far away kingdom lived a very beautiful young orphan girl, named Hannah, who was extremely poor, and can barely live on her own.
She lived on a small and very old farm, and her possessions were three chickens which provided her with eggs, a cow which gave her milk, and an apple tree which gave her fresh and yummy green apples.
If for example the girl wanted flour, she would go to the market and trade three eggs to get one pound of flour, and mainly that was the way she lived.

After years of living that way, she became 18 finally a grownup, but that meant more responsibilities than there were already lying on her back.

A rule in the country stated that anybody of age 18 or above is required to give the princess a gift on her birthday.

Hannah's birthday, and the princess's were in the same month, with two weeks in between.

Hannah didn't know what she should give the princess since she was poor and didn’t have any money to buy a worthy gift, so she decided to make something at home , and depending on what she had she decided to make an apple pie, which is a thing that made her famous in her village, and sometimes even she would sell them to gain some essential goods for life.

She put all her effort in making a very delicious green apple pie to give to her princess as a gift on her birthday.

the princess lived in the capital of her country so she had to travel for about a day to get there in a horse carriage, so after she gathered all her allowance she rented a horse carriage with a rider and went to the capital wearing an emerald green gown that her mother left her.

After reaching to the palace and entering she was told that she must kneel in front of the princess and award her the gift .

She entered and did as was told, and gave the princess her gift, she was a 100% positive that the princess will love her gift, but little did she know that her happiness won’t keep up for long.

After the princess unwrapped her gift and saw that it was a pie she laughed herself out as did all the other visitors.

poor Hannah didn’t understand what was going on. And when the princess eased out of her laughing tantrum she told the girl : " you silly girl, do you think that your apple pie is a gift worth giving to a princess like me? I have chefs working to serve me all day long, and they can make pies a hundred times better than this filthy one” and then threw it on the floor in front of the girl and said " now get out of my face and out of my whole palace , and don’t you dare come in again except with a gift that is worthy of my status" and all the visitors then laughed at her with the queen.

The young girl felt very humiliated, and didn’t know what to do so she ran out of the palace while the tears streamed down her angelic face .

After this humiliation she can’t go back home, so she decided to run away through the forest, and after about two hours of running she became very tired and collapsed under a large tree and cried herself to sleep.

Meanwhile the prince of the neighbouring country was passing through the forest to hunt down some night animals, he saw Hannah lying down under the tree sleeping , while her face had the stains of tears.

he wondered what was wrong , and decided to help the girl, so he ordered his guards to take the girl with them to the palace where they will take care of her.

Hannah woke up suddenly, but was very shocked to find herself sleeping on a very comfortable bed, in a place she didn’t recognize.

After concentrating she found a very handsome young prince sitting on a chair next to her bed, he asked her how she was but she felt really embarrassed and didn’t answer he then told her : " don’t worry your safe now just tell me why were you in the forest that night" Hannah then explained the whole situation to him,
" hmmm.. I see" he said " so she humiliated you in front of everyone "
"yes "
"well then would you want to take revenge from her? "
"what? no of course not! ill just leave and go far away and start a new life"
the prince was shocked from how white her heart was and he knew for certain the if he wanted a queen to rule the country with him she has to have such a white heart, so she can feel with the poor.
After a few days of her stay in the palace and after proposing her will to leave ,the king and the prince asked her if she agrees to marry the prince and become the queen Hannah was shocked and said :
"but why do you want a poor girl whom you barely know become the queen? "
the king replied :
" well , you are a very nice girl who doesn’t hold grudges and understands the poor, so you would make a perfect queen. what do you say? "
"of course" she said.
then the prince told her that he asked the mean princess to come visit for lunch tomorrow and he wants her to make 50 pies.

"50?? but why"
"you will see soon enough I promise"
Hannah then spent the next day in the kitchen making the 50 pies she was asked to make.
She finished them slightly before lunch and went to get dressed as she was also asked.

After she got dressed she was told not to enter the dining hall except when the prince tells her to, and she complied waiting.

The prince welcomed the mean princess and took her to the dining hall, and she was shocked to see that it was full of apple pies but she dare not say anything because she was way to scared of what the prince would think of her , since she didn’t yet know that he was engaged and she thought that he invited her over to ask her to get engaged to him.

"Taste them, " the prince said "they are made especially for you with a very special and secret ingredient. "
After tasting them she was shocked out of her senses and commented :
" OMG!! they taste so lovely I wish I could keep eating them forever!! "

"Are you saying that to satisfy my or is it the truth? " asked the prince.

but the princess was too busy filling her mouth to answer.
"the chef who baked these special pies for your honour wants to meet you, so should I let the chef in ?"

"oh yes please "
Then Hannah entered
the mean princess chocked on the bite in her mouth from the surprise.
" you are the same poor girl from my birthday party aren’t you? oh my did you come to the prince and make up a little fake story to get his pity and steal him from me ?""
Hannah was stunned from those words.
"No" interfered the prince. " no she didn’t I found her unconscious in the forest and brought her here to help her, and then I sucked the truth out of her, and prepared this whole lunch without even the tiniest bit of her knowledge. "
"listen to me "added the prince "never ever dare you talk to my wife-to-be this way ever again. and oh has anybody told you that your people decided that they don’t want you anymore and they asked me to be their king especially after what happened on your birthday? and sadly I couldn’t disagree . so after Hannah and I get married we will rule both countries together. "
the mean princess stood stunned and was as rigid as a rock .
"take her out " ordered the prince and they did.
And after Hannah and the prince got married they indeed ruled both together and the mean princess was no where to be found. she may have went out of those countries to a new place where she can have a fresh start and be a nice person and respect everybody and live the life of normal civilians or maybe not ! 😉😊

Author's Note

Please review 😘

Reviews

[Mel]

Ay dawg!!! Great first draft!!!
I got some comments. I'll just edit the first section of your story.

Here's what you wrote:
"once upon a time, in a far away kingdom lived a very beautiful young orphan girl, named Hannah, who was extremely poor, and can barely live on her own.
She lived on a small and very old farm, and her possessions were three chickens which provided her with eggs, a cow which gave her milk, and an apple tree which gave her fresh and yummy green apples.
If for example the girl wanted flour, she would go to the market and trade three eggs to get one pound of flour, and mainly that was the way she lived."

^ First of all, too many commas. You can break these up into shorter sentences. Shorter sentences are more bearable for readers to understand, and helps to reel in their interest more.

Secondly, I would recommend flowering up your language a bit. Instead of, "She lived in a small and very old farm," maybe try to spice that s**t up. So instead, you can say something along the lines of, "She grew up far from the riches and extravagances of royalty. Tucked away in a quaint cottage in the outreaches of the kingdom, the girl tended to her garden on a humble patch of land."

Hope this helps!

[Truths reflection]

Thanks alot 😘 im not an english native speaker and english is my second language but i love writing in it 😊 i really do appreciate your help 😍

[Truths reflection]

Dear Mel, i wrote a draft 2 of the story taking your advice into consideration so olease read it and tell me what you think. Its name The apple pie draft 2 . Thx in advance

[skyler]

the biggest problem i saw was the. you are the same poor girl from my birthday party aren’t you? oh my did you come to the prince and make up a little fake story to get his pity and steal him from me ? a poor girl would never be able to find a prince that quick and the mean princess has no idea that the girl is even connected to the prince for all she knows the girl had just snuck in

[Truths reflection]

Thx for your time to read and review my story. i wrote a draft 2 of the story taking your advice into consideration so olease read it and tell me what you think. Its name The apple pie draft 2 . Thx in advance

[dwane803]

HI,
Interesting short story. I read that English is your second language. Based on this, punctuation is in need of work. Shorter sentences and consider using a thesaurus or dictionary to provide more vivid images. I have found that I google when I need an alternate word for a concept.

Again, interesting fable type story.

[Truths reflection]

Thanks for your time to read and review my story. i wrote a draft 2 of the story taking your advice into consideration so olease read it and tell me what you think. Its name The apple pie draft 2 . Thx in advance