The Dark

Darkness,oh how you glow.

Just like a winter's snow.

For say, we take no part

for what rips at our heart.

 

Darkness,oh how you grow dim.

Now trying to take a him.

Rising up out of the lies,

we then see the bright blue skies.

 

Darkness,oh why do you lie?

Taking in souls every fourth of July.

Saying come take my hat

when you,yourself,have none of that.

 

Darkness,oh how you rein.

You lie to keep yourself in glorious fame.

Never again

will light take part...

for it heals our broken hearts.

Author's Note

Sorry,it's hard to ryhm so just beare with me...

Reviews

[Allen Smuckler]

rhyming or trying too hard to rhyme, can and will often take away from the flow of the poem and the essence of the message. you have a good theme going with darkness as a metaphor for "your" unfulfilled love and longing. Develop that without forcing words to rhyme...get the rhythm down first, then add a rhyme or two if you want, but you may find free verse will allow your feelings and emotions to shine through...btw your near rhymes of "fame" and "rein"(reign) and even" again" work the best because they don't seem forced or contrived.
I'm looking forward to reading more of your work Trusting. Keep writing and rewriting...and experiment with different styles...haikus, villanelles, sestinas, limericks, sonnets, e.e. cummings, whatever stretches your imagination.
good work,
allen

[Pikachu]

Oh this is really good.
I really like way you used your words c:

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

I liked this piece, you made darkness proud!

1. Darkness,oh why do you lie?

Taking in souls every fourth of July

[Geraldine]

There's a part that I've been lost, I think it still need some work and I know you could do it. ^^

[Heromen Selena]

Like Katrina said, not all poems should rhyme. Some of the best poems are ones that don't rhyme at all. It needs a little work, yes, but you have a great concept going on. You just need to control your stanzas and relate it to the main theme of the poem, which is something I haven't seen yet. I look forward to seeing how this one turns out.

[Who Cares]

It was ok, it need some work though. Remember that every poem doesnt have to be rhyming. I love your darkness concept but after that i don't really see where you are trying to go with it. Keep all your thoughts related to the topic, great job keep writing

[I LUV 1DIRECTION]

VERY NICE