soldier

Taylor

"Jacob, meet Taylor." Suzanne pointed at the girl, as our eyes met. She was beautiful, her porciline skin glowed in the light of the bon-fire as she looked at me with her luminous brown eyes.

 "Hey, I'm Taylor." She giggled looking over to her shoulder. 

"Nice to meet you." I said not realizing how country my accent really was.

 "I'm Jacob, Jacob Canerdy. But you can call me Jake" I could tell she already knew who I was because the looks the two girls shared. I didn't doubt the fact that this was a set up, knowing Suzanne. 

Suzanne pulled Taylor away from me, and the crowd to silently have "girl talk". I was hoping it was about me but there looks suggested it was about another guy in the crowd. I followed there gaze to a guy sitting on a log near the fire. I didn't know the guy but he looked nice. His hair was slicked back with gel and he had a green shirt and denim jeans on, I noticed the stainless steel cross around his neck. A discusting feeling crept up my spine, jealousy. Even though I've only known Taylor for about ten minutes her beauty masked the time. I was staring at her with intent eyes when suddenly she glanced over at me, I could feel myself blushing. So I walked over to the crowd of people surrounding the blazing fire. The warmth of the fire spread across my skin, fighting the chill in the air. 

Maybe I'm just thinking too much, or maybe I just fall too quickly. But I want her. "Hey, um Jacob?" I heard a sweet voice say.

 I looked up to see Taylor staring down at me. I Scooted over just enough for her to sit down. I patted the space on the log that I left open for her to sit. 

"Yeah?" I looked at the fire scared to look at her.

 "This, um, set up wasn't really my idea. I don't want to hurt you, before something starts; I like someone else. I dont exactly know why suzanne wanted me to hook up with you, but I'm sorry but i can't provide that for you. But if you're fine with being friends I'll be here." What she didn't know was something already started. I was already falling, sadly I just fell straight to the ground and hit my face. She doesn't want me. She wants the guy with the stainless steel cross.

 "Well, it's okay I didn't want a relationship anyway." I said trying to sound like i wasn't bothered by the thought of just being friends. 

"Well I guess I'll go, talk to you later." She got up from beside me and her leg brushed up against mine. It's like I could feel sparks run all across my body. I was sad when she walked over to the stainless steel cross guy. I knew it was him. I had the sudden urge to run over there and punch the guy square in the face. But then she'd know that I didn't want to 'just be friends'. This really sucked.  But for her I had to deal with it. I looked over to the right of me and suzanne was walking twords me with a small sheet of paper. 

"Here's her number, don't give up okay? She really needs to get over Zac, and the only way is to get you on her mind." She smiled.

 I really hate the fact that I was basically a back up plan. But the good thing is Zac doesn't like her, I just have to keep it that way. But how? 

"Thanks. But she doesn't like me. She is truely beautiful though."I looked down at the ground moving the rocks with my feet.

 "Yah know she has a horse show this saturday if you wanna come and watch her ride." I think she was hinting for me to go, so why not? I mean I just have to prove that I'm here for her. And she will crawl right to me. 

"Where is it at?" carefully considering it.

"Ider Saddle Club, It starts at one o'clock fast time. You can be there at eleven because she usually gets there by that time. And you can have time to talk to her and help her with her stuff." It was like it was her master plan to get Zac of Taylor's mind. If I actually knew better I'd think something was going on between Zac and Suzanne but i wouldn't dare ask. 

"Are you sure about this whole thing? I mean seriously she doesn't want me." what she doesn't get is she is not interested at all. I couldn't get it through that thick skull of hers. 

"Oh I'm sure." She smiled a mischevious smile. She had something up her sleeve I just didn't know what. She walked away, going back to all her friends. I looked back over at Taylor and I couldn't tell the feelings they had twords eachother. I knew Taylor was interested, she was giggling and touching her hair a little too much. I don't get how I already knew her. Maybe I just understand girls too much.

Everybody was in there little groups dancing and singing to "Barefoot Blue Jean Night" It was about the fiftith time they played it tonight. I didn't get how everyone still liked that song. It was honestly a tad bit annoying. But it kept playing. I was feeling shy for the first time in my life. I guess because the whole Taylor situtation. I'm usually the guy thats dancing too much or singing to loud, but I was in a funk. It felt like I was having really bad withdraws from a drug. Well maybe Taylor is a drug, you get addicted too quickly and you think you need to have it.

I walked over to Charlie, Suzannes horse, and petted him softly. I ran my finger across his snout feeling the soft texture of his nose. He was a quite beautiful horse I've never really rode a horse before. Maybe when I was like three and I was at a carnival. But never actually freely rode a horse. I'd probably fall right off if I tried. I like the company of a horse though. Not as much as I'd like the company of a girl, like Taylor. Ah, I need to get out of here. I looked at Taylor one last time and got in my blue Volks Wagon. She watched as I pulled out of the drive way. Maybe she does feel something.

Tuscaloosa

I could hear distinct whispers outside of the food court, as my squad and I walked around the corner. My mind was blank but alert to every sound and movement. Even the sound of metal hitting the ground made me jump out of my skin. I could hear faintly my staff sargent talking on his radio as me and six other guys stood quietly still being alert. My staff sargent looked over at me, looking me straight in the eye "We are going to head out. Lead us out to the fire escape Canerdy" My heart pounded out of my chest. I had no reason to be scared. "Yes sir." I said strongly. "Okay, lets head out" My staff sargent ordered. I walked stealthly around the corner walking sideways to make sure the squad was still behind me. I felt more confident now, not feeling any fear. I turned around thinking of my family, and my brother wondering if they were okay. Mainly because my brother was in afaghanastan. In that moment I didn't see myself as just a normal sixteen-year old but a strong soldier.

I kept walking thinking of when I would be up on the roof again. "Woah, woah" My heart stopped as I seen the men. One was wearing a Nascar teeshirt tucked in with denim jeans he carried himself with caution with his black hair on his forehead. The other guy was wearing steel toed boots and blue and orange pijama pants. With a carhart jacket and a white teeshirt. They were both carrying Hefty trash bags with stolen stuff in it. "Hands on your head, down on your knees" We yelled with force .The guy up front turned half away around and looked at me with an exhausted look on his face. I was confused on why he didn't turn completely around and run. I looked over at the other guy in the carhart jacket and he fell to his knees and had his hands on the back of his head. "We don't got nothin' we don't" He was scared out of his mind. His expression was very terrified as his eyes widened and his faced turned white. I've never seen a man so scared. As I watched him breathe heavily. He dropped the bag. as I looked at the other guy still standing. Looking suprisingly calm. I pointed my rifel at the guy with the carhart jacket because he looked most suspicous. Because of how heavily clothed he was. I looked at the guy with the Nascar teeshirt with intent eyes. He looked directly at me still holding the bag and standing still. "Hands on your head, down on your knees!" I screamed twice pointing my rifle at him. He dropped the bag carelessly  on the ground as he finally pulled his hands up to his head. "Stay on the ground!" I screamed. I felt my staff sargent to the left put his hand on my shoulder. "Keep your gun on him Canerdy." I still stared at the two men on there knees. My staff sargent fell onto one knee and pulled off his patrol pack, looking for a pair zip-tie handcuffs. I pulled my head down to look at what my staff sargent to see what he was doing still focusing on the two guys. Switching my gun back and forth between the two guys mainly focusing on the guy in the Carhart jacket. When I noticed the guy in the Nascar teeshirt slowly reach down to his right jean pocket. My heart skipped a beat, as my gun was relaxing feeling as if all of this was over. I had one hand holding my rifle and the other relaxing near my side. As i watched the guy slowly pull his hand down twords his pocket. I thought he was reaching to scratch his leg when I suddenly seen him reach in his pocket. My heart fell to my knees as one thought screamed in my mind, a gun. "Wwwoah" I said repeatedly, hearing my heart beat in my ears like a drum. The guy was pulling fantically at his pocket trying to pull out the gun. At that moment I could see my staff sargent look up at the man. Right as my staff sargent looked up the man pulled out a thirty-two revolver. I seen the man try to stand up as he pointed the gun right at my staff sargent as he fired a shot. It's like the world stopped moving as the bullet went into the wall near my staff sargent. The guy in the Carhart jacket fell to the ground in fear of the shot. My body jolted back as I felt the need to run backwards. As my staff sargent ran behind the corner. I could see the man pull back on the hammer of the pistol holding it now with two hands in fear. As I seen him pull it back I yelled "Stop!!" He was now pointing the pistol at my shoulder. I pulled my rifel up now holding it strongly in two hands as I fired eight shots. Every one of the bullets hitting his chest. When every bullet hit him his body kind of jerked back. At that moment my body was numb. I was scared out of my mind as the guys body fell to the ground in slow-mo. Blood was flooding around the still body. I looked at the dead body, not being able to feel the true reality of the situation. His hands were thrown back with the pistol still placed softly in his open hand. My staff sargent pulled me by my bullet proof vest and said "Lead Them to the-" 

I woke up feeling my heart beat and my body sweating. I sat up wide-eyed as my shirt stuck to my body. I was breathing heavily.trying to shut out the sound of bullets hitting the guys chest. The dream was so real. It only revealed the past. I was only sixteen and I shot a guy eight times in the chest. Sure, I saved the squad. But in my eyes I wasn't a hero, all I was was a murderer. Guys will say "Man you're so brave" or "You are like a superhero." But it's like I'm superman swallowing a bunch of kryptonite. I'm weak. Sometime I don't want to wake up because of the regret of killing someone, what if he had kids? I couldn't deal with this. 

Jacob: Hey, you awake

Taylor: Who is this?

Jacob: Jacob Canerdy

Taylor: Oh hey, I'm guessing suzanne gave you my number.

Jacob: Yeah she did. 

We texted back and forth that night. I knew it was late, but for some reason she was there. It was very comforting knowing I had someone. She talked to me about God and how he was there for me no matter what, and that he loved me. I knew that already, but to hear it from her was so much better. I was so in love. I didn't tell her about the dream just that I was upset about something. I don't tell many people about what happened in Tuscaloosa because of my feelings twords it. I stay pretty bottled up to myself. I mean sure I've told my family, but I was told by my staff sargent to keep it to myself and just keep it within the family so haven'y really told anyone else.  

Sometimes I get irritated at my life situation, to the point that I don't realize that people have went through so much more than I have. It's hard to stay mad or sad in this world when there is so much beauty behind it. Its kind of when you have a really dirty car covered in charcole and you wash it spotless. You would've never known the beauty behind the car if you didn't clean it off. Or when you try to guess what's behind the curtain when you are not even going to try to pull it back. I guess I'm just trying to say my life really isn't that hard. And if I want it to get better I have to put effort into it instead of just guessing what is going to happen. So that is why I need Taylor. I need her help to make me better. To build me back up to the guy who does not regret what has happened. I guess I'm trying too hard to find someone to love me and mend me.But what else am I supposed to do? Wait? I'm defenatly going to that horse show. 

Horse show

It's finally Saturday. I woke up feeling exstatic. I couldn't wait to watch Taylor ride her horse, I just could wait to see Taylor period. I smiled at my thoughts. But I was tired. I pulled my body out of my bed feeling my dogtags touch my bare chest. My feet skidding across the ground And my PT shorts skimming my legs with every step. Paying attention to every sound and feeling in my body. I wanted to remember this day as the day Taylor started to fall for me. Even though that's less likely to happen, at least I have hope. 

My feet were comfortable on my off-white carpet, when suddenly the feeling changed as I walked onto the hardwood floor. Sending a cold chill up my spine. I could hear the distinct sound of my brother Josh cough. It's kind of pitiful that it was late in the evening and he wasn't awake. But by now I'm not really suprised. I'm used to his iggnorant behavior. I mean seriously all he does is walk around and play video games and eat. I admit I'm a little lazy, but not to josh's point. He is honestly the most lazy guy I know. With my brother it's kind of backwards. Even though he gets annoying sometimes I still care about him. I'd take a bullet for him any day.

With both of my parents, and my big brother Alex being in the military. I guess Josh feels obligated to join. because he is the only one out of five of us that isn't in the military. But I know he doesn't want to join but my parents seem to want him to. I'm glad my parents don't force it on him, they let us choose our own future. Still letting him know that the military is a choice if he ever didn't have anything planned- "Ow ah ff.. ergggg!" I hit my toe on the side of the wall. pain shooting up my leg, I grabbed my toe hoping. Trying not to cuss. "Ah, darn wall!" I felt stupid yelling at the wall as I hopped down the hall to the kitchen. I sat at the table massaging my foot wanting something to drink. I looked up at the clock, I was late. It was one thirty and the show starts at one o'clock. Crap. I wasn't even ready.