Oblivious

Let's not let labels get the better of us. Let's not let labels cloud our judgment towards others. If we do that, it might not only hurt others, but ourselves the most.

Jess

“You coming or what, Steve?” It’s Friday and school just ended. There’s nothing more I’d rather do than head off to the movies with my friends. And that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

“Hmm?” But we might not make it if Steve doesn’t hurry up.

“Earth to Steve!” I snapped my fingers in front of him. “Movies. Now. Coming or staying?”

“Wha-? Oh yeah, yeah I’m going with you guys.” He shook his head as if dazed and plastered a quick reassuring smile on his face.

I raised my eyebrows at him and looked towards the direction he was staring at. Two guys and a girl were standing not far from us, talking and laughing. I recognized one of the guys and the girl from my dance class. It’s not exactly difficult to remember their faces; they’re both tall and attractive. Not that I’m implying anything. I quickly looked back towards Steve, who is once again staring at the trio.

Suspicious… “Steve…who are you looking at?”

“Hmm? No one.” A tinge of pink crept up his cheeks. I glared at him and said accusingly, “You’re lying.” I watched amused at his widened eyes and flopping mouth.

I laughed. “I knew it! It makes perfect sense now. How you’re dressed, why you’re acting all weird, you’re hair is so...perfect too, and you’re always looking at yourself in the mirror, like seriously? It’s like your a-

 

Steve

Oh crap. She knows. Was it that obvious? I promised myself I was going to hide, but crap I knew I couldn’t hide it from her forever, she’s too observant. I tightened my fist and clenched my jaw.

Just play it cool, I told myself over and over in my head. Play it cool.

“-girl.” My heart tightened. “Look, I can explain. I never told you because I knew you wouldn’t-“

“Totally like her!”

 “…Understand” I stared blankly at her, trying to process what she just said.

“What?” We both said in unison again. I spoke before she could, “Wait- you think I like whom?”

“That girl who you were totally checking out!” She said loudly while pointing at a girl with two other guys.

Suddenly all three looked our way; their expressions made my blood run cold. The shorter of the two guys glared at me while the taller one had hate written all over his face. The girl showed utter disgust completely targeted my way.

“Quick, now’s your chance to ask her out! They’re coming this way!”

Panic bubbled up inside me and I felt my face instantly pale. I grabbed her thin arm trying to get her to stop waving them over. “Jess…Stop it! I don’t like her! Can we please get going now? Movie, remember? Jess!”

“Hey, you!” I froze, and so did all my senses. It was the tall boy that spoke.

“M-me?” I sputtered out.

“You’re that f*g aren’t you?” He spat out. I heard Jess gasp. “He is not gay!”

“Shut up, he wasn’t talking to you.” This time, it was the girl who redirected her glare to Jess

who I instantly felt her tiny hands curl around my arm.

“Don’t talk to her like that.” I said through clenched teeth.

“Why not, f*g?” The shorter boy taunted.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Shouldn’t you be happy guys are talking to you? I bet you have this massive, creepy crush on us huh, f*g?” This time he shoved me causing me to stumble backwards.

"I-I do not. Have a crush on y-you..." I stuttered out. Traitorous cheeks left a tinge of pink on them, though I quickly tried to not let it show.

“Leave us alone! He is not GAY” Jess pleaded.

“We should teach you a lesson not to stare at us in the locker rooms.” Another shove backwards, this time harder, and my body connected with the ground.

This is exactly the type of situations I try to avoid. It has happened before, more than once and I don’t want a repeat of what seems to be always happening in my life. I thought for sure this time would be different. But how could I be so naïve. Now, I’ve brought Jess down with me.

“My parents told me never to hit a girl. But you’re not exactly a girl are you?” Doubling over on my side, cradling my stomach, I realized I’ve been kicked.

“And you’re not exactly a guy either”, the taller one continued with another kick. I hear a crack and unbearable pain shot through my chest. I gasped out, but that’s like adding fuel to the flames. All I can do was wheeze out little air and breathe in shaky breaths.

“Stop it you guys! I’m gonna call the police! You’re hurting him! ” Jess continued to cry out for help but a sound resonating a slap, as skin connected to skin, immediately shut her up.

“F*****g f**s like you shouldn’t continue living like us. Who the hell do you think you are?”

That was the last question said before they left. I stayed there though, on the ground laying still. My frantic heart and Jess’ hysterical sobs were the only sounds that reverberated in my ear.  I replayed it in my head, again and again, word after word, each punch and kick; all were directed towards me. And with every hateful word said, I asked questions of my own.

“F*g.” Why are we known like that? It’s such an indecent, hurtful word to describe gays. The term is not even similar, not even the slightest.

“Unworthy.” I think with a brain, love with a heart, see through my eyes, feel, hear, taste and smell with my senses; just like a human. Why is being gay such a big deal?

Why are we hated? Given a hard time? Unaccepted? Misunderstood? I am who I am. I’m sorry I can’t change that. I am, “Steve?”  I slowly turned my head towards Jess. “Are you alright?” I could see the hand print on her left cheek still pink from the blow. Her hair is a little disheveled as well but at least that’s the only damage I see.

“I’m fine. It’s going to be okay.” She crawled towards me and gingerly placed my hand to hers.

“It’s going to be okay”, she repeated. I don’t know who she’s trying to convince; herself or me.

Either way, tears welled up my eyes, turning my vision hazy.

Would it have been easier, if I were to disappear?

 

 ***

 

This happened a few weeks ago. A lot can happen in a few weeks. Three weeks ago 2 guys beat up my friend because they thought he was gay while a girl just stood by and laughed along.

Few days after that: my friend hasn't been going to school, hasn't hung out with me; I haven’t seen him since. A week ago: I learned his family moved; reason unknown. The following days: I couldn’t stop crying, and confronted the trio that I knew was the reason why Steve moved. The next day: I have been suspended, not before I sought out justice and reported what happened to Steve and I. The trio received a worst punishment. Serves them right. But just yesterday, I barely discovered a note taped under my computer desk.

2 years. It’s been 2 Goddamn years since the world rejected who I am. My friends, my family;

those I loved treated me as though I’ve committed a sin that torture was the only punishment. My parents…they didn’t even want me anymore! Now that they’ve learned the truth it’s as if they didn’t even know who I was. They thought I was making it up, that saying I was gay was the only way I could get attention. As if. No one stood by me. I had no ounce of support. Instead I got teased and laughed at and bullied. The only other ‘different’ person I knew, laughed and teased along with the judgmental beings. But I knew he was just scared, scared that if he came out, they’d treat him like they treat me. So it’s okay. I forgive you.

It hurts though. They don’t know how much it hurts. I never asked for this to happen. It was never a choice for us to make. You are who you are. It’s not reversible or contagious. Contagious…someone came up to me one day and asked if ‘gayness spreads’. Being gay is not the same as being sick!

I was born this way. No one can change that. I can hide it, sure I can. No one would notice. I no longer look in the mirror. I learn to chain the real me away from everyone else. I learn to hide who I really am, for it seems most despise him or shall I say her. Now, I walk out the door, appearing as I’m supposed to be. Not who I am meant to be. It’s what I’m best at. Hiding who I am, from the world that rejects me.

-Steve

Tears fall from my eyes to the paper. Steve, if only you have told me, I would understand. If you had confided in me, I would’ve accepted you. If only I knew, I would’ve stood by you. I’d still be your friend no matter what, and protect you at all costs. I’m so sorry Steve, I didn’t know. More tears streamed down my cheeks and dripped down leaving trails of sadness. I’m just so sorry. Sorry, you had to hide who you are. Sorry, for being oblivious.

But now it’s too late.

Author's Note

various kinds of criticisms are welcome!
I know this may not be the best short story, and that is why countless feedback would be great :) Thanks

Reviews

[Sbernie18]

Wow, really deep story..especially the ending. Short, but it conveyed the message and story extremely well. good job!