Senses

My last poetry before I closed my account.

I sing of resolution;

Love notes passed silently.

I hear determination's whisper;

Hearts beating together.

I smell scents of smiling;

With only one glance.

I taste passion's kiss;

Four lips temptation.

I feel a smooth touch;

Rose petal fingers.

I see a lover's reunion;

 

Still,

      But,

          Because,

                  Darn!

                         It's in the future...

                  Still,

           Though,

    Despite,

Yes!

 

I sing passion's song;

Melodies of progress.

I hear a whisper of success;

Crumbling of great walls.

I smell happiness wafting;

Smiling from a small sniff.

I taste tomorrow's desire;

A day passes quickly.

I feel so close;

Gentle kisses on the cheek.

I see a lover's life;

 

Still,

      But,

          Because,

                  Darn!

                         It's in the future...

                  Still,

           Though,

    Despite,

Yes!

 

Just maybe...

 

If I sing, 

          hear, 

               smell, 

                     taste, 

                           feel, 

                                see...

  Is it really in the future?

        Or is it now?

                            Or is it...

        Could it be...

                            But no...     

      I'd never admit it...                     

                            It might be...

 

                Maybe it's just me... And I imagined it all. 

 

     No. It can't be. Why? Because...

 

You know what...

                  It's happened...

                                    Unavoidable...

 

      Just me has become...

                             Just her...

      Just her has become...

                             Just me...

      The world has become... 

                             Just us...

 

      One.

Reviews

[Melissa M.]

I like the tone of this poem, but the formatting does nothing for me. In face it was a little bit of a snag in the overall flow for me. I think it was just too distracting. It could be that the words used to go out of line were not necessarily monumental. Though they seemed like a chorus of sorts, they still read as disjointed thoughts, especially at the end. That almost hurt the poem I think.
I do like the beginning though, before you got into the creative formatting. Speaking of all of the senses once love takes over the body. Really good writing there.

[Dice Rosenthal]

With only one glance.
I taste passion's kiss;
Four lips temptation.
I feel a smooth touch; "

Theres nothing I can say that's probably not been said before, so i'll just say the one thing that comes to mind after having read this.
Beautiful.

[Adela Muresan]

That is beautiful. I don�t know if I could ever write something similar...

[Lucky Me]

I liked this a lot...I started to love it after the "just maybe..." part. It sounded more free, like your thoughts were just falling onto the page, now that's poetry

[Blackbirdsong]

The "I sing" "I taste", et al, reminded of Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass. I agree with LolaNation about the scroll words. On paper or in a book I think it would be just wonderful. On a computer screen my eyes were having some difficulty. Though that's more a critique of technology and not your writing.

[Mandika]

Loved the waterfall words fit the mood of this peice...the wordage was a dance (love making anything dance)...out of the box stuff and can not be mistaken.

[Lola Nation]

Damn computer screens, your artistic waterfall of words would so much be better displayed on paper rather than scrolled downward like a spam piece with too many >>>

I read smoothly till this line: I smell scents of smiling; --- scents of smiling -- I think aquafresh, but that's not what I think you were going for.

Happened again here - the metaphor isn't working for me no matter how hard I try, I realize the smile may be that of a different view per sey, but it's just difficult for me to venture mentally "Smiling from a small sniff. "

From just me to one - I adore it - kind of Lennon kind of Yoko - and just simple with goodness.

[L. L. Jacobson]

I sing of resolution; Love notes passed silently. ---This is the sound of an echo of a strategy of true love, but yet there is no test. A rare love in time's past for the present of a future.Just me has become...Just her... Just her has become... Just me... The world has become...Just us... One. (Breathtaking)Four lips temptation. - I'm not sure why, but this line defines the epitome of a kiss. That statement is vibrant; omnipotent.I like the format of the stanzas for your muse, the optical kaleidoscope to your soul, like the opening of the outstretched fingers, entwined to create a heart to be made by two, beginning in such silences midstream, this entire poem is an inhale/exhale dream, and in the creation of the half-hearts also envisioned by you, dynamic poet, I see a lens- the photographic memory of the hearts harmonizing, to learn each a lesson that the pieces are best when formed together for a fit.When the time is right, a constant love will be realized.(through these 'Senses')

[Kemari Blue]

I love the voice you used. I love the apprehension that follows the gentle romance that is conveyed in the beginning. I read this twice and I am liking the form. I see some other reviewers thought it took a way from the poem itself but I think that the way you have this set up is a poem in itself, even if you didn't realize it. The certainties, the self-assurance is blocked and solid. All of the uncertainty and questioning is jagged, uneven. I think you conveyed the emotions perfectly.

And I think this part is a perfect display of an amazing union:

Just me has become...

Just her...

Just her has become...

Just me...

The world has become...

Just us...



One.

Beautiful poem

xo,
KeMari

[Crap!]

A sweet and gratifying experience, able to doubt itself and yet able to hope and still even more able to proceed to a union. Wonderful brilliant job in interesting and intriguing form!