MAD (Mint Addictive Disorder)

My poor attempt at humor

 

MAD (Mint Addictive Disorder) is a very real and serious problem. Laughing and scoffing at the idea shows disrespect to the power of this disorder, and more importantly, to the power of mints. It all starts with one simple thing: a mint. It ends with mountains of empty mint tins, lost finances, and broken families. More extreme cases of MAD have resulted in slow starvation due to an exclusive diet of mints. According to one recovering mint addict: “They’re just so fresh and minty. Who could resist?” Indeed. Who COULD resist? Millions of people on the earth use mints to increase the freshness of their breath, not knowing about the latent danger inherent in all mint products. If you’re worried about your friends or family members, look for the following symptoms and behaviors:

 

A developing tolerance for mints (needing more and more mints to achieve satisfaction)

Withdrawal when separated from mints

Eating more mints than intended and for longer amounts of time than intended

Wanting to decrease mint consumption but being unable to

Spending a great deal of time trying to get mints, eating mints, smelling empty mint tins. dreaming of mints, and writing articles about mints.

Night sweats from being chased by enormous mints.

Seeking to order a life supply of mints.

Continuing to consume mints even though they know there are adverse physical/psychological problems caused by consumption.

 

If you’re friend or family member has problems with excess cinnamon flavored candy consumption, have no fear. They do not suffer from MAD, but from a closely related but less harmful disorder known as CAD (Cinnamon Addictive Disorder). CAD is for some reason easily treatable by eating fresh baked bread. Unfortunately, sufferers of MAD don’t have such an easy solution. Mint treatment is a long and arduous process. Whether you choose the 7-step-program, MAA (Mint Addicts Anonymous) meetings, or home treatment, the effort will be tremendous to overcome. Scientists earth wide are struggling to come up with an effective drug that can reduce withdrawal symptoms but have had little success. Stay posted for the latest in MAD facts*.

 

*All facts or quotes in the above article are completely fictional and do not represent actual psychological data or real people in any way. Any resemblance to real people or conditions is coincidental.

Reviews

[Natasha Zoya]

While reading this I thought of my can of Altoids in my car. I must have a high tolerance because I've become immune to the 'curiously strong mints'

[Tom Wade]

Very funny. I'm still laughing. I'm looking a the tin of Altoids on my table and wondering if I should call a doctor.

[Hcfielden]

Absolutely fantastic. Is there any way I could get your permission to use this as a short-film script?

[DW]

i love this story i didn't read it but it sounds funny. You should write more storys like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Niki Nonsense]

lol. i used to have MAD. tic-tacs, certs, altoids, liquid-ice, you name it... then i was addicted to gum.... i wonder where you got the idea for this article. possibly a mint overdose? lol. by the way. love the disclaimer. disclaimers are awesome.

[Andre .e. Williams]

Interesting, very interesting!!

[Here's What I Say]

LOL! I could tell that it was just a satire, don't worry. I really liked this! Altoids do kind of look like pills, don't they? I used to eat Tic-Tacs like crazy (until I was forced into TTA- Tic-Tacs Anonymous) and I'd pop them in my mouth, pretending like I was taking medicine. I can't understand how people could be ever addicted to Altoids, the way I don't understand how people can be addicted to alcohol. I mean, both are good in very small amounts, I think they both taste like sh*t, but it's popular among everyone else. Rebel am I! You cannot tame me! *twitches from coffee*