Ring of Saturn (Free Form)

Let me tell you about
A girl I like
It seems she's near
But really she's far

I call her saturn
Let me tell you
why

One day, in a car
I caught a strand
of her glowing hair
I thought;

Will I ever
carress her
As I do this
precious lock?

As I kept
twirling it in my
fingers
It seemed
like something from heaven

like a planet; Saturn
seen by a telescope
from afar
He sees the planet in his eye, but
it lies far
far
away

I hold it, but it stands galaxies
solar systems
miles
away

Men have only walked
the moon
Can one timid man
put saturn's ring
on his finger?

I wonder still
As I watch her;
Saturn
Surrounded by
Her golden rings
against nebula
paintings; green
red and
blue
Beauty in perfection

I still wonder
and
hope

Reviews

[Courtney, {qué S..]

I agree with the previous person. The rhythm could use some improvement. But the imagery, fantastic.

[Melissa M.]

I like the wording and the imagery of this poem, but I couldn't get a feel for the rhythm. It didn't flow as well for me as some of your other work.

[Amy Widmer]

Beautiful, your words sing volumes of symphanys in the cathedral of the mind.