Depression

14-year-old Kira faces depression. His 2 friends, Daniel and Andy, realizes that he is depressed. Ria becomes his girlfriend, can't do anything but be by his side.

 

 

"BRRRINNNG!!". The sound that awoke me from my slumber. The haunting memories came back to me that morning. Every night I have to face what happened that event many years ago. I don't see why I have to go to school still. I'm gonna suicide in highschool, anyways. Why does this happen every night? My name is the most unusual name, especially at my school. My mother is japanese and my father is white. I'm 14, 5'4, and I always spike my hair in an awesome way. I looked at ceiling and recall the dream I had. I stood up. "Kira, come downstairs. Breakfast's ready." My head swung towards the door and down the stairs. "Good morning, father." I said. He's wearing that pink apron again . My dad, 45 years old, has white hair, pinkish skin, and a shaved mustache. I ate the eggs and biscuits on my plate, grabbed my backpack, and headed towards the door. If you're wondering where my mom is, she's gone. I'm used to this life already."Have fun in school, Kira." My father said, reading the newspaper. I walked the path that I always do. The same road towards hell, the place where we 'learn'. The only reason why I still live is because of the angel that I met many years ago.

 

Who is she, you ask? She is a completely different creature, even though she has curves, is pretty, and is also popular, I still have this feeling that I can never get rid of. I want this feeling, but at the same time, I don't. She comes to me out of nowhere just to say "hi". Damn. I swear. She's magic. She always makes me smile. She's special to me. "HEY KIRA!" His low voice made me realized that I already walked past the gates of school. A skinny, tall, tan, good-looking guy walked up to me. He wore a white collared shirt and black pants. "Hi Daniel." I said. Daniel has been with me ever since 1st grade. He isn't my best friend, he's just some guy who always comes up to me during school. I guess you can call him a 'close friend'. Daniel and I walked to 1st period together and went to our seperate classrooms. My 1st period class is English with Mr. Avery. He's a cool and funny teacher, his class is easier than from all my other classes.

 

 

My next class came up in a flash, PE. Yes! Finally, PE is my favorite class. It's my favorite class because I love to work out; and the angel is there. I power walked to the PE's locker room and changed as quickly as I could. My heart thumping, I felt the blood rush to my brain. Is she here? I was outside and looked around. All I saw were: basketball courts, a black top, and the track field. Damn, what a waste of my time. I got excited for nothing again. I feel so stupid. Other girls in their PE uniform came out and talked about their boyfriends. I started to walk to where my class is gathering at. Suddenly, everything turned black. Something was blocking my eyes from seeing. I realized that it was someone's hand covering my eyes, I suddenly started saying "Hey! Let go of me! Don't touch me!!". I slapped the hand away and turned around to see who it was. This person's pissing me off. It was the angel.

 

My mind went blank and I was constantly scolding myself in my mind. Damn, I just yelled at her like that.. Now she's gonna hate me! After all of that, I found myself just plainly saying "sorry". Her eyes waver to me then to the ground and back to me again. "It's ok." She said, turned around, and walked away from me. My eyes lowered to the ground, I feel so stupid. I walked towards my class and my friend, Daniel, being the happy and positive person he is, smiled. "What were you doing with Ria?". I didn't felt like talking and faking my smiles. I'm too tired of life. Why did this have to happen? If only I knew she was behind me. Ria, the name makes my heart race. I always watched her from a far distance. I bet she doesn't even think of me as her friend.

 

I walked slowly to my next class, each step to the next class seemed to be slower than the last one. My legs felt like rubberbands as I sat down. My math class is filled with many full blooded asians. Because of my race, I have never been able to talk with them. I am only half asian, with the brain of my mother. The bell rang and my math teacher (a female), gave the class back our test paper. My paper had no red marks and only a circle that has an A at the top. As usual, I was able to get an A without studying much. Now what? I am always at the top of the class with the highest percentage. But because of this, this is my least favorite class. My classmates sees me as a rival. They don't talk to me or ask me for help on classwork. They act as if I'm invisible, as if I don't exist, as if they hate me. I'm hated. At lunch, I walked around by myself. I walked by many couples hand-in-hand. This sickened me. As I kept my head forward, I saw Ria. Walking with . . Another guy. My chest felt like it was stab by a spear. They were holding hands. My chest hurts. I started to retrace my steps and walk back, away from her. I'm worthless. I want to die.

 

 

That night, I woke up at 3:00 AM. That dream again. . . I layed in bed thinking with my eyes closed. I stared at the ceiling for about an hour and gave up on trying to sleep. I got out of bed and walked to the kitchen for water. "Kira, what are you doing so early?" It was my father, yawning. "This isn't like you. You aren't a morning person." My eyes lowered to his feet. "I couldn't sleep." I can't make my father worry about me. He's working hard to support us. My father eyes were telling me that he's still worried about me. "Good night, dad. I'm going back to sleep now." I waved my hand and walked back to my room. I could feel my father's eyes on my back. That was the first time I lied to him. What am I keeping from him? I got back on my bed and tried to sleep again. I feel to useless... Why can't I fall asleep?

 

The next morning was another repeat. As I walk past the gates of school, my best friend, Andy, grabbed me by the neck. "Hey Kira!" I turned to look at him, and waved. He looked at me strangely and asked, "What's wrong?". My chest hurt right at the word 'wrong'. I clenched my fist and managed to say "Nothing. I'm all right." I don't know where he went after that. What's the point of living now? Nobody cares about me. Nobody likes me. I walked to my class and was in a daze. Nothing matter anymore to me. Classwork and homework were nothing. About a week later, I got back my math test. Nearly all the problems on it, had a red check mark. I recieved my first F. "Let your parent sign that." My math teacher told me. Who cares if I get a leature? I put the test in my backpack.

 

"What is this, Kira? You have always been the top of the class." My father said, as he looked at my test paper. He look at me with his concerned face again. "Is there something bothering you? If there's anything I can do, tell me, alright?" My chest started to hurt as I thought of what I saw. Ria. "Is it a girl?" My father asked. My heart slumped, I was surprised, and jumped back away from him. "Haha. Your face tells me the whole story." How did he know? Does my face have the whole story on it? He puts his hands on my shoulder, his face was close to mine, and said "Son, please. If there's something that you want to talk about, you can always tell me." My heart was crying out. I really did wanted to tell him, but I was afraid of causing him trouble. "I will." I said with a stern voice. I went to sleep that night, but ended up having a nightmare. I woke up with a start and immediately got up. I looked in the mirror and my reflection. Why am I even living?

 

 

Studying started to be like a hobby. It was the only thing that kept my mind from thinking about suicide. My grades eventually got better and I was back on track. The only problem was that everyone started hating me again. I was shunned. What did I ever do to them? During lunch, I felt like crying, cry my heart out, but for some reason, the tears never came. Sitting on the ground during lunch made me stand out. I sat in despair, fear, and anxiety. Someone, help me. Please. . The days repeated like pages in a book. The feeling in my chest never faded, it was always there. "Kira? What's wrong? You look sad." A female voice came into my head. I looked up and saw her. My guardian angel came to save me. Ria.

 

My heart raced as I saw her smile. Her mouth was smiling, but her eyes were filled with worry. "I - I'm alright." I said, not looking into her eyes. "Kira, you know. . I - I like you." Her eyes looked at the ground as she said it. My heart skipped a beat. Is this a dream? Is this really happening? But who was that guy she was with? "Aren't you with someone else? That guy you were holding hands with." I asked, trying very hard, not letting her hear my voice quaver. She looked at me and blinked. "He's my cousin, he's always out of control and I had to hold his hand to get him in control." By the look on her face, she was telling the truth. My face turned red and I turned away from her. "Hey! Answer me! Be a man!" Ria said. Man, she's so pushy. I never knew she was like this. I turned around to look at her. "I do too, ok?" Before I knew it, I was in her arms. She held me tight. I was in ecstasy.

 

The next day as I walked into my math class, all of my classmates stared at me with resentment. Why are they hating on me so much today? "So you got with Ria, cracker?" A full-blooded asian asked me. I ignored him. "Hey! You know, you're making us asians look bad." He continued saying. After that, he continued saying racist comments to me. But then I realized something: Am I worthy of her? Should I even be with her? She's so popular and I'm not. We are an unlikely couple. As I walked out of the classroom to lunch, Ria hugged me from behind. "Kira! Hi!" She said with a cheerful voice. Her voice reached my ears, but not my heart. I managed to say hi to her and walked away.

 

As I got home, I sat on the floor, held my knees with my hand, and stared at the floor. Everyone hates me at school. Tears still didn't come out and that annoyed me. My girlfriend doesn't help me. She's the one that's making me miserable. Isn't she? Ria. . . I didn't know anymore. I wanted to run away. Run somewhere that nobody in this world is at. If that was possible, it'll be heaven. With that last thought, I immediately stood up and walked to the kitchen. I looked for a knife and put it in my pocket. Where should I do it? I realized that nobody would care if I died. Nobody at all. Not my dad, Daniel, Andy, or even Ria. I took the knife out of my pocket and sat down. This is it. It's over. I held the knife by the handle and pointed it towards my left thigh. This is the area where the big veins are. I took a deep breath and stabbed myself. My drops of life trickling down my thigh, slowly dying, every drop. I soon realized that everything slowly turned black, I closed my eyes, and slept forever.

Author's Note

Please tell me if there's any grammer mistakes or anything. >.< Also, if you can think of a good title for me, I would really appreciate that. (This story was created for a research paper)