Foolish Heart

My flaw...

 

She said the words “I love you”

You say “I love you too”

Thinking that it will last forever

Loving each other more than ever

Holding one another in a loving embrace

Smiling as you look upon her face

Willing to risk everything you have

Nothing less than being in love

 

Cradling her in your safe arms

Protecting her from any and all harms

Not even caring for yourself anymore

As long as you don’t see her fall to the floor

But as time went by she slowly faded away

The only thing left to do was to sit there and pray

So that she will finally opens her eyes ad ears

To be able to see you see and listen to what she hears

And see you standing alone fighting the cruel world

Through the pouring rain and the ruthless cold

Constantly fighting through the endless pain

Your tears falling heavily as if its searing rain

 

Every hour of everyday, week after enduring week

Barely able to stand feeling so helplessly weak

Broken, battered and on your failing knees

Unmoving, just waiting for that relieving breeze

You know that this is it, the edge of your limit

The agony spreads all over, you just can’t feel it

Over the horizon, you see another problematic fleet

You feel your body tear apart as you get back on your feet

Looking up at the sky, you just see her watching

You see your reflection in the rain, barely living

 

Preparing yourself, getting ready for another fight

Knowing it’s now hopeless, impossible to take flight

You start charging forward, still standing all alone

Trying to yell out loud, but now its just a broken weak tone

Then you take the leap of faith into the invincible fray

Lost and confused, you just keep battering away

Then you feel blow after blow and feel yourself being thrown

To you it felt like you went farther than any bird has flown

And when you hit the ground, the harsh reality is back

No feeling, no care, no compassion its pointless to keep on the attack

Again you lay there in endless, immense pain

Looking up at the clouds feeling the cold never-ending rain

In your misery, you see her walking toward you

Feeling so relieved, and a little happy too

But as she sits down next to you, while you lay there listening

She says the words “I’m sorry goodbye” and you just lost every feeling

 

The worlds destroy the foundations of your very world

And the agonizing pain sears through you ten fold

Soon, your tears are mixing alongside the rain

Even the cruel world is crying alongside your mourning pain

You lay in the mud, feeling the rain take you down

You feeling so numb mot seeing or hearing a sound

She soon gets up and looks in your crying eyes

And you stare back full of sorrow, feeling deceived by lies.

Deep within yourself, you feel yourself being torn apart

Trying to hold on, it felt as if she shot your beating heart

Now you realize that you might have a thoughtless heart

 

Maybe that’s your mistake, exposing your fragile, foolish heart…

Now your just a simple guy, trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart…

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Ellen Hammond]

Very intense! Well written with a lot of emotion. I like it very much.

Only a couple things that detract from it: the small print, and it is hard to read as one long verse. Perhaps it is just me, but my eyes tend to jump lines and I have to search to find my place. A little larger print and broken into a few verses this would be an awesome poem.

[stellasautelle]

Love this.. very emotional and well written :)

[Lydia Blackwell]

There is so much pain here. My heart goes out to you. You have some good self expression in this poem and now we know what it feels like to be you with a broken heart. I hope you are feeling better than this now.
my only note is- proofread- there are a few typos. Otherwise, good job!

[justice]

well, I do not know if I can add anything new, but this is a great write. The emotion, the feeling, the ride the reader goes on with you... fantastic. I am very glad you shared this poem and allowed me to read it. Thank you
J

[.]

Wow this is really deep and powerful. I like it I found it over-all very interesting!

[sarah]

I am a girl but I actually went through this with this guy I was with and so I could really feel this guy's pain. I almost cried to be perfectly honest. Keep being amazing!!

[Poetic Beauty]

This is an interesting write. It at first reminded me of someone who is loosing their loved on to an illness and the person is loosing the battle but towards the end you could take it yet another way. That she has decided she doesn;t love him anymore and is leaving not dying. Either way this is an amazing painful and descriptive write. the image of the man sitting in the pouring rain is a painful scene. This write is wonderfully done.

[.]

this is so painful and sad and heartbreaking - I was with you on every line...wonderful

[Vin]

Wow, I love this. The pain is shown in every line, it flows really well, the rhyme scheme is great and the description is amazing. A really good write that describes the pain of heartbreak within each word! Absolutely stunning! Thank you for sharing :]

[Marshall Hanson]

This poem is wonderful, This how I felt after my recent break up. I could feel the emotion the confusion, love, passion, and inevitable end. Great work!

[Adelia Alighieri]

It's very well written, with exquisite emotions. However, I would like you to reconsider the structure, it kinda distracted me.