But If It Wasn't For Love

Amber dunes
Sweet collisions of labyrinthine turns
Interlocked in the dual moons
Of your eyes, bittersweet spurns

Trimmed and laced with light.
A harvest of colour in a pale face,
You own my aesthetic heart with all right
And I don’t dare fend off this vital craze

That fulfils me a whole person
(but if it wasn't for love)
I wouldn't want this submersion
(I'd shoot the dove

Down).

Reviews

[Noa]

Again lovely wordplay, and vivid images.

A different kind of style this time, as you are using end-rhyme. Is this something you planned beforehand, or did it just work out like this? My personal preference goes out to your usual style of rhymes, as I do feel like some brilliance has been sacrificed for the rhyme.

"A harvest of colour in a pale face" This is lovely, as it not only creates the image of lively, beautiful eyes; it also shows the way the speaker views them 'takes them in', as one would a harvest. Great job there.

The final stanza is my favorite (again with wonderful use of brackets). The ending is strong, and using love as an excuse to be submersed by such overpowering feelings, is basically saying that the speaker uses love as an excuse for being IN love; creating a clear separation between the two. I am guessing the dove is used to portray either romance, or the concept of a long, lasting relationship- something that may scare the speaker (if it wasn't for love). I somehow feel that you were trying to portray the feeling of being in love instead, but a dove doesn't really lend itself for that purpose (then again, butterfly would not have rhymed :P). It works for me now, regardless of what your intention was.

Thank you for sharing!
-Noa