Chapter One; Pain

                I walked through the woods near my house, Crunching on leaves and taking in the crisp fall air. I always went there to think and to be by myself, No matter what season it was. I sat against a tree and looked in the small pond. Some light reflected off, Shining on some trees, Brightening all the colours of fall. It was beautiful in every way. I looked down at my covered arms and sighed, Pulling my legs up to my chest. I shook slightly and looked up, Watching the sunset. The pinks and oranges mixed together. I looked at my cell phone and widened my eyes.
“Crap!” I stood up. I ran over branches and tree stumps, Through the backyard and into the house. I closed the door and took a deep breath, Looking around. He wasn’t here yet. Good. I rushed to the stove and made something for dinner. I scurried around cleaning up the house. I picked trash and bottles from all over, Vacuumed, Straightened blankets and what not I made the house spotless, Once again. He always made it a mess. I was sick of it. But I had no choice. I set my phone on the counter and finished the dishes. I made the rest of the pizza and slid into the over. I sat on the counter, Texting my best friend Kimberly. She always made me smiled when I was down, Which happened to be lot.

                All of a sudden, The door opened. I shoved my cell in my pocket. My dad would kill me if he knew I had one. Well, My foster father. My real parents gave me up and my foster mom died. Half killed, By my so called "Dad". He was handsome for thirty three, But an absolute tyrant, Alcoholic and abusive nutcase. He constantly slept with loads of girls and always smelled of weed, Alcohol and sex. Either he'd kick me out or shove me in my room when things started to get that way. He walked in and looked at me, Then at the oven. He smelled strongly of cigarettes and other drugs. I sighed. I didn't see how he could keep a job when all he did was party. I looked at the stove as he did.
"What are you making, Liza?" his buffed voice husked.
"Ummm... Pizza."
"What kind?"
"Cheese and pepperoni." I looked up at him slightly. I didn't like looking him in the eyes. He squinted and walked away. I flinched and the stood straight up. I let out a breath and started walking to my room.
"Elizabeth! Get me a beer!" he called from the living room. I turned and walked to the refrigerator, Got his beer and handed it to him.
"Here ya go." I started walking away again. He growled a bit as I did so. I ignored it, Walking into my room.

                I closed my door and sat down on my bed. I sighed and leaned back, Looking around. So many bad memories, So little good. I laid there thinking about different things. I lost track of time and began to drift off. The last thing I saw was the time. Just fifteen minutes before the pizzas were done.
'I can take a nap. No big deal.' I thought, Letting the darkness I longed for take hold. The next thing I knew, I heard my door slam open. My eyes flew open with the noise. I sat straight up.
'S**t!' I thought, Looking at the clock frantically.
"You left the pizzas in too long! Now they're spoiled!" he charged over. I backed up against the wall as he grabbed my hair, Pulling me off the bed and throwing me to the ground.

                "I-I'm sorry. I fell as-" I was cut off by a smack in the face. I grasped my cheek with my hand in shock. Not the first time it's happened. I tried to get up as he kicked me in the stomach. I pullvated forward, Knocking my eye into the corner of my dresser. I groaned, Colour rushing to my right eye. A whimper escaped my lips.
"I don't want you stupid. Worthless apologies, Eliza! I want you to do it right the FIRST time! Now... FIX IT!" he grabbed me by the arm, Pulling me to my feet and dragged me to the kitchen. He threw me towards the oven. I got started right away, Not worrying about my any longer. I took the old pizzas out and threw them away and started at making two fresh ones. He walked passed, Knocking into me. It made me trip, Just so he could get a beer. He hit me with the door. I waited in the kitchen until the pizzas were done and placed them on the dining room table I gave two slices to him. He grabbed them from my hands before I even sat it down and turned back to the tv, Sloshing his beer on the couch. This was going to be a long night.

-Hey girl, You know you drive me crazy.
One look puts a rhythm in my hand.
Still I never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.-

Reviews

[Kaylor Mason]

Oh damn . . . I read this whole thing, and I was captivated by this girl's daily struggle to survive. Just . . . wow. Not a shout, a whisper. She's a strong survivor!

[Drifter]

First, let me say that this has quite a bit of potential. As far as drafts go, it's not that bad. However, some of the things I would work on is the spelling and grammatical errors that are sprinkled throughout, as well as fixing the structure of certain sections. At times it feels as if you're doing more telling than showing, causing it to read as a choppy list. These can be smoothed out easily enough. All in all, not a bad attempt.

D.

[Corvus]

Really good, for a first draft. There are several small, careless mistakes but don't worry, every piece of writing has them when it's first written. It could have a bit more detail, and there are some grammar errors, but pretty good story. It deserves a bit more credit then some may think.

[Zackman220]

Spelling errors. It's oven not over. No capitalization after commas. Some grammatical errors. Besides that its a good story.