Based¤

I Was Put On This Earth To Shed Millions Of Hearts

As My Heart Rips Because Of You I Think About The Good Things We Had Together

I Was F*****g Base On Truth 

Telling You Everything I Bet You Were Shocked To Know I Been Through Everything 

I Was F*****g Based On Truth

Cause I Hide My Feelings Alot And You Notice What Was Wrong And You Ask "What's Wrong" 

I Was F*****g Based On Truth

When Everything Fell Apart And I Cried To Myself And Think For Awhile "Did I Cause This Pain" "Did I Hurt Myself" "Did I?"

I Was F*****g Based On Truth 5/29 When My Mother Gave Birth To Me I Was Put On This Earth To Write Poetry I Was Based I Was F*****g Based Cause Of You

I Was F*****g Based On Truth Because I Love You So Much My Heart Rips The Scars Bleed With My Words And You Watch ... Watching Me Go Through This Pain ... Watching Me Write Through The Night ... Watching Me Turn Base ... Base On Truth I Thank You For This Time We Spent Together ... I Don't Know How To End This Poem I Don't Know I DON'T F*****G KNOW As The Scars Released My Based Soul I Gain Respect 

I Was F*****g Based On Truth Because ... F**k You 

Reviews

[CLM]

okay, quite a user id, attractive to say the least, but let us be objective here.

You have some power and writing about f*****g (in love or out of love) carries a heavy load. So if you can harness this and tame it, I think you might have something here. Some thoughts on this piece follow:

First of all let's look at the format. Almost a prose poem, but the repetition of " I was f*****g base on truth" sets pace and lends itself to lines with more brevity. I really do not want to rewrite this piece and probably incapable of doing so, so here are some general comments for you.

I would try to condense some of the longer lines. The poem reads now as almost stream-of-consciousness writing, which is fine for a first draft, but if you want the reader to pay attention ( and I think you should because basically you have something to say) you have got to get this into a better visual format. Try to find a rhythm and stick to it. When you say things like " I was put on this earth to write poetry" try to give this to us divorced, somewhat and it's a fine line you will have to discover for yourself, from everything else.

Avoid things like 5/29 at all costs. The best language comes from writing these things out if they are necessary for the poem and in most cases they are not.

Well, good luck here and keep at it. I am not grade the piece despite my prior message to you as I don't think that matter so much as the encouragement to keep writing.

[Brandon]

Good news there isn't a hell, only reincarnation. No death, we let go and carry on. I feel you to the depths of heart and soul. Not alone. Excellent read and write.

[GODDESS]

Thank You :-)

[Brandon]

My pleasure, Goddess :)

[almost there]

WOW this was amazing, i can feel your pain and I thank you for sharing this with me. such a huge voice...i hear you!

[GODDESS]

Thank You I Felt Like Screaming When I Written This Poem