Unknown

 Unknown ....

Let Me Go To Hell ... Laying Down On My Garden Until I Sink Deep Down

All These F*****g Thoughts .

Can I Run Down ... My Friends Are Telling Me " What's Wrong " Reply

" Nothing "

But There Was Something Unknown About Me

Have Me Wondering What's Inside Me .

I'm Not A Rapper Or A Jornalist ....

I Just Write Poets To Get Some Anwers ....

But I Get Nothing ...

I Need Something .... Maybe A Blunt To Smoke The Thoughts Out ..

But I Know I Look Very Sad And Angry .

Nobody Knows I Write But I'ma Just Let This Out .

I Write How I Feel And It's Unknown Feeling ... Unknown .

 

Reviews

[Trigorin]

There's a great deal of potential with the whole 'unknown feeling' premise you're going for, but the way you execute it leaves a lot wanting. Proofread your work, check your spelling, and for the love of god don't capitalize every single word - it's just terribly, terribly juvenile and silly. There's also no reason to bring up the blunt except to say 'I smoke weed, look how edgy I am'. It doesn't really contribute to the narrative in any way. You also overuse your ellipses, it feels - one or two would be fire, but the large number you use is just too much at once, especially in such a short piece.
As I said before, there's a good deal of potential with the idea, just not with how you chose to write about it. If I were you, I'd go back and think about what you wanted to convey with this piece and maybe rewrite it a couple of times before putting the whole 'finished' stamp on it.