Goin' home

Expressionistic vignette

Watch the vista become a spectacle of isolation and pain

Fool, you knew you'd see these colors again

Sitting in wait for brightness to return

A flash arose and fled with a searing burn

Scalded, I retreat to that trusted labyrinth alone

Remembering yesterday, when my sun still tenderly shone

Not-so-distant memories denoted by carefree joy

The first since I was an even littler boy

Stormy words of abandon do I hear?

Must I shed another shameful tear?

From crippled eyes are my glasses removed

Revealing reality as it must have been for so long:

Redundant blurry blackness of impenetrable sea

Fathoms deep, I haven't the breath to say

"So long"

Reviews

[Dearantlers]

I think that the lines are two long. Try to split them in half. Your rhyming scheme will still work as an ABAB, instead of just AA. At the end, why did you stop rhyming? It's just a little weird. I understand the last line not rhyming, but the last few lines don't feel right without a rhyming scheme.

[Trevelyn]

There was no native rhyming scheme to this piece; if any exists, its arrangement was purely on part of Caprice.

Remember also the word "long" is used twice, both times preceded by "so."